24 Tips to Boost your Self-Confidence and Get Rid of Self-Doubts (Part One)
“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” – Malcolm S. Forbes
Have you ever been at a friend’s party, where you did not know anyone except for the person who invited you? How did it go?
I usually end up having a great time and meeting interesting people. The only thing I do not enjoy about these kinds of parties is the first 15-20 minutes of awkwardness. Do you know what I am talking about? You enter the room full of people you do not know. Your friend disappears, because they have to greet someone else and you just stand there, wondering if anyone will talk to you or if you should engage another person in conversation.
If you are lucky some good soul comes over to you and says “Hi!”, if not you have three choices: 1) look for the friend who invited you there, 2) search the crowd and see if there is anyone else in the room who is standing by them self and seems to be tortured by the same dilemma as you are: to talk or not to talk, or 3) choose the group of people who seem to be having fun and walk up to them.
My point is that no matter how self-confident or outgoing we are, there will be situations when we will doubt our abilities or feel shy or inadequate around other people.
But the true question is not “Why do we feel that way?”, but “What can we do about it?”
Here is the first part of 24 Golden Nuggets that have helped me to fight occasional self-doubts and become more confident in myself:
1. Love Yourself
Loving yourself does not mean that you should completely ignore your weaknesses or sit for hours in front of a mirror, admiring your beauty. Love is about acceptance, compassion and forgiveness. Yes, you can mess up and get yourself into embarrassing situations. But guess what? So can everyone else! Learn to forgive yourself for past failures and accept your shortcoming. No one is perfect. But everyone is unique! This is what makes relationships so interesting and exciting!
2. Watch your language!
People’s feelings and negatives beliefs are reflected in their words. Become aware of how you frame your sentences. Think of the message that you are sending to other people when you say, “I can never get it right”, “It’s so easy, even I could have done it”, “You would not want to go out with me, would you?” Do not generalize or catastrophize the situation! Try to be specific and objective. There is a huge difference between saying, “No one loves me! I will never get married and I will die alone” and saying, “They do not want to go out with me, but that does not mean no one does. I just need to keep looking.”
3. Look good to feel good
When you look nice you feel good. And when you feel good, you start to talk and act more confidently. Nothing helps you to regain your self-confidence and optimism faster than an elegant outfit, a great new haircut or accessories that radiate power and professionalism.
4. Take care of your body
Eat healthy, exercise, get plenty of rest. When you take care of your physical health, your emotional state will improve as well. You will be able to think more sharply, act more confidently and feel better about your appearance and your performance.
5. Pay attention to your body language
70% of communication is non verbal. Your body language tells another person a lot more about your thoughts and feelings than the actual words you say. As it turns out this connection ‘emotions –> physical response’ works both ways. It means that you can start feeling more confident just by acting more confident. Start with your posture – keep your back straight and your head high. Try to relax, if you feel too tense. Smile and make eye contact whenever you talk to other people and you will notice that your confidence will grow by the minute.
6. Do something nice for yourself
When we want to show someone how much we care about them, we usually do it with nice gestures, little surprises, sincere smiles and compliments. But we often completely ignore the one person who is the closest to us – ourselves! If you want to feel like a king or a queen, treat yourself like one! Give yourself a massage or cook a delicious dinner, light candles and soak in a hot tub, flash yourself a big smile every time you pass by a mirror, or buy yourself a new outfit or a huge bouquet of your favorite flowers. It is time to remind yourself how wonderful it feels to be appreciated and taken care of!
7. Try new things
Break free from your daily routine and try something new! Something you always wanted to try but never seem to have courage to do. Take guitar lessons, wave to a stranger, sign up for dance classes, join Toastmasters, or start your own blog. With every new task that you learn, your self-esteem will grow!
8. Do something that you are good at
Everyone is good at something: be it swimming, writing, singing, drawing, speaking in public or cooking. I am sure that you have your strengths and talents as well. Make sure that you use them! Doing something that you enjoy multiplies your concentration and performance by a factor of ten. And when you feel on top of the game your self-doubts and negative beliefs quickly disappear!
9. Set short-term goals
Your self-confidence grows every time you set goals and achieve them. In the beginning you might want to start with short-term smaller goals but as you accomplish them gradually raise the bar. Just make sure that your goals are specific, realistic, and positive.
10. Speak up
Overcoming low self esteem begins with finding your own voice. Instead of trying to blend in with the surroundings, take an active role in the conversation. If you disagree with another person’s opinion or have something to say – say it! You might be surprised at how fast you can win everyone’s respect the moment you stop trying hard to win their approval.
11. Be positive towards others
The fastest way to make other people like and appreciate you is to start liking them first. Try to find something good and admirable in every person that you meet. (It does not mean that you have to do it by putting yourself down, though!). Greet everyone with a smile. Offer a compliment. Refrain from blaming and complaining. Negativity quickly turns people off.
12. Do not say to yourself what you would not want others to say to you
It can be hard to ignore unfair comments that people make about you. However, very often what you say to yourself is much worse and much more harmful than all the disapproving remarks taken together. Your mind can explain and dismiss derogatory comments made by others, but it is helpless against your own negativity. Pay attention to your thoughts and as soon as you start being too harsh on yourself, stop! And reframe them in a more positive way!
P.S. 12 more Golden Nuggets on how to boost your Self-Confidence are coming in the next post. So be sure to read them, because no matter how much faith we have in our abilities, there will be times when we need a quick confidence boost.
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Tags: become more confident, boost self-confidence, get rid of self-doubts, improve self-esteem, overcome self doubts, self-confidence tips
