The 12 Secrets of Charisma and Personal Magnetism
Have you ever met someone and instantly felt a fondness towards them? You only chatted a few minutes, but you felt like you have known them for a long time. This person may not seem to be any different from other people you have meet, yet they have this “x-factor”, or some sort of magnetism that draws people to them.
This mystical quality is called charisma. This one quality alone helps people, who possess it to get a better job, create great relationships with their business partners, become more attractive to the opposite sex and make loyal friends everywhere they go.
You can do it too. Charisma is a skill and like any skill it can be improved and developed with a little bit of practice.
Here is what you can do to cultivate this intangible quality that makes people admire you, follow you, and just want to be around you:
1. Shift your focus
Have you ever been on a date with someone who just kept prattling on about themselves and their achievements? Kind of annoying, isn’t it? To win people’s sympathy, do not try too hard to convince them of your own value. It will only make them look for an escape door. Instead, shift your focus from yourself towards other people. Talk about something that interests them. Praise their strengths. Value their accomplishments. And people will feel that you are the most wonderful person that they have ever met.
2. Act confidently
Imagine a doctor, looking at your blood test results and mumbling something about you probably being fine. Even if they say all the right words, you will most likely still go to a different doctor. Similar, you can be very knowledgeable and brilliant, but if you voice out your thoughts without conviction, people will hardly listen to you or be impressed by your statements.
Charismatic people exude confidence, as they speak clearly and with conviction and do not let other people’s criticism and negativity affect their actions. If you are a naturally shy person, it does not mean that you can not be charismatic. Here are some tips to Boost your self-confidence.
3. Be friendly
Treat any person you meet as your friend. Smile openly, look people in the eyes, ask questions, tease them or pat them on the shoulder if appropriate. It has been shown that human touch stimulates the release of oxytocin, a powerful hormone that is involved in human bonding. Just be careful not to go overboard with touching and teasing. You do not want to be perceived as unceremonious and pushy.
4. Remember peoples’ names
The fastest way to bond with someone and make them feel special is to call them by their name. I know I am always impressed when someone I have just met addresses me by my name. And I am sure I am not the only one, who feels this way. Therefore, if you want people to remember you out of the tens of others they meet weekly, make an effort to memorize their name and use it in conversation.
5. Be authentic
While we have that unexplainable need to make everyone like us, it does not mean that we should change who we are. Charismatic people stand out when they walk into the room, because they have personality. Agreeable people blend in, as they mold themselves into something they think another person wants to see. Do not make this mistake!
Let your personality shine and be genuine – fake emotions and insincere thoughts rarely appeal to anyone.
6. Get in touch with your emotions
Research has shown that charismatic people feel emotions strongly and are usually able to relate to what others are feeling as well. Ironically, many of us have been taught to suppress our negative emotions like anger, sadness and frustration and act cheerful at all times. And while it is important to keep a positive outlook on life, it is also vital to embrace your negative emotions and be able to communicate how you feel. Just keep in mind that there is a huge difference between accepting your emotions and venting them on others!
7. Have purpose
Charismatic people have a strong sense of purpose. They are leaders, not necessarily because they have leadership qualities, but because they are driven by the idea they truly believe in. Their conviction and the amount of faith behind their ideas draw others to them.
8. Offer help
When someone genuinely offers to help us, we feel particularly fond of them. Why? Because it implies that they sincerely care about us. Even little gestures like offering a ride home or sharing your umbrella when it is raining, can make the world of difference towards how people feel about you.
9. Listen more
I know it is not always easy to do. We all like to talk about ourselves. But in order for a conversation to take place, someone has to talk, while another has to listen. Be the rare person, who knows how to listen with interest! And by listening I mean, stop talking, refrain from inserting your opinions, stop thinking about your next remark. Look at Oprah Winfrey! Millions of people adore her, because while being funny and interesting and bright, she has a gift of making others feel unique and worthy. How does she do it? She asks questions and then listens!
10. Stick to your word
Although, a positive attitude and a good sense of humor certainly add to your charisma, it is not enough to make others take you seriously. If you want to be a leader you have to demonstrate to them that they can trust you and rely on you. Therefore, do not make promises lightly. And when you promise something, stick to your word 100%.
11. Believe in people
Charisma is not just a set of qualities that you posses. There are plenty of people, who are trustworthy, intelligent, self- confident and enthusiastic, yet they are not charismatic. Charisma, just like beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.
Therefore, it is not so much about the qualities you posses, as to how you make other people feel, when they are in your company. If you want people to listen to you, believe in your ideas, follow you – make them feel powerful, interesting and fun! Give them credit, encourage and inspire them. Occasionally, others might do something that will disappoint you, but more often they will pleasantly surprise you.
12. Celebrate life!
Who was it that said, “People will forget what you said or what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel”? It is so true. Our emotions and our mood are contagious. This is the main reason why no one wants to be around negative people, who mope and complain all the time. If you want people to feel great in your company, give up gossiping and complaining. Choose to be positive. Laugh more. Celebrate life!