Values and Anti-values – The Key to Inner Peace and Lasting Harmony
In one of my posts How To Resolve Internal Conflicts and Live In Peace With Yourself I said that a conflict between values and anti-values can be the main reason why we lose peace of mind and feel stuck or unsatisfied with our life.
We have all been there:
You really need to finish your project in time, but some part of you intentionally procrastinates. You work hard at your personal relationships, but another part of you wants to leave. You want to pursue your goals, but a little voice inside your head is telling you that you will fail. Most of us are not immune to the inner arguments, self-doubts and worries.
But what if we could resolve 90% of our inner conflicts? What if we could stop the stream of negative thoughts that often take over our mind? What if we could finally feel at peace with ourselves and the world around us?
It is not impossible! Inner harmony, joyful existence and unshakable belief that you can be successful start with your peace of mind. And peace of mind starts with getting to know your core values and anti-values and settling inner conflicts.
If you are still unconvinced here are 5 Sound Reasons why it is so important to learn your personal values and anti-values:
• It empowers you to make better decisions. If you know your values, it becomes much easier to align your choices accordingly.
• It becomes easier to find compatible places, lifestyle and people that support your way of living.
• It allows you to identify your main priorities in life and choose goals that are right for you.
• It makes you live with integrity. It does not mean that anyone who discovers their values will instantly become an honest and honorable person. I wish things could be that easy. “Living with integrity” in this case, means being true to yourself, becoming a “whole” person.
• It improves your communication with other people, because you understand their way of thinking and actions better.
What are values and anti-values?
What I am about to share with you is serious psychology stuff that is the basis of most coaching sessions, so bear with me.
At the base of any action or decision there will always be our core values that we hold. In fact, our values are so influential that most of us are ready to die defending them. While our beliefs can be modified and replaced with more beneficial ones, our core values do not change from time to time, person to person, situation to situation. They remain the same and serve as a filter through which we look at reality and align our sense of ‘good and bad’, ‘right and wrong’ with.
Anti-values are very similar to values, only they represent things that we despise, fear, dislike and/or try to avoid having in our life.
How to find out your top ‘core’ values?
1. I have put together a list of values. Just click on the link to print it or copy and paste in a word document.
2. Then do the same with the list of anti-values.
3. Now pick the 7 most important values that resonate with you. Do not think too much, just choose values that feel right. Here are the question you might want to ask yourself:
• What is important for me in my life?
• What would I ‘stand up’ for at the risk of being rejected?
• What do I believe in?
• What would I want everyone to know about me?
• What would I risk dying for?
4. After you are done, do the same with the anti-value list. Pick 7 anti-values, which stir the strongest emotional reply when you read them (be it fear, anger, anxiety or resentment). Which anti-value sucks most life out of you?
5. Now compare your list of values and pick the most important to you, then the second most important, then the next one and so on.
6. Do the same thing with the list of anti-values (again click on the link and download your .pdf copy of anti-values)
If there is any situation that causes a lot of stress and pain, analyze if any of your values are in conflict with your anti-values.
A crash-course on how to settle inner conflicts once and for all.
• Acknowledge the situation. It is not always easy to identify or recognize a value conflict, because our mind can reach genius levels at suppressing, ignoring or denying the problem. Be honest with yourself! If you believe that you are doing the right thing and yet feel frustration, emptiness and lack of fulfillment building inside, it could be a sign that you are ignoring the problem or that your personal values differ from the values that you are trying to live up to.
• Disassociate yourself from your conflict. Life can feel like a never ending soap opera if you let your mind focus on all of the challenges that you have to deal with. When your mind is overwhelmed with negative emotions, it becomes very hard to make a good decision or to identify the best course of action. Disassociating yourself from the situation helps to calm down the hurricane of emotions and regain our ability to think clearly.
• Identify two values that are in conflict.
• Look for common grounds. Even in the seemingly worst conflicts there is always common ground at the level of purpose, core intentions or spirit. Because at the base of any value conflict lies desire to make your life better, safer, or happier in some way. What is the main common drive behind your values? What are they trying to protect you from or help you with?
• Think of how you can align both values to make them work together, instead of against each other. Sometimes in order to do this you will have to adjust your initial plans a little and sometimes you will have to change your course of action completely! But the right decision will definitely come to you!
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Tags: anti - values, find inner peace, inner harmony, internal conflicts, Positive Thinking, resolve inner conflicts, success, values
