The Simple Guide to Long-Lasting Happiness and Joy
I have a question for you – Are you happy? It is not a complicated question. A simple “Yes” or “No” will do just fine. But when we are caught off guard, we usually say something like, “What is happiness anyway?”, “At the moment I am quite satisfied with my life”, “I have a great spouse and 2 wonderful children. What else could I ask for?”
It is not often that I meet people, who respond to this seemingly challenging question with a simple “Yes”. Yesterday however I met a woman like that.
She was radiating joy, peace and happiness. And she was not a spiritual teacher, highly successful business lady or the wife of an oil magnate.
She cooks and serves meals in a tiny Ayurvedic café, located right in the middle of a yoga center. She had brought my food over to me and since at that moment my friend and I were her only clients, she started chatting with us. As it turned out, she does not have a degree, because she got married very early. Her husband died a few years later, leaving her with a young child to look after. And now that her daughter has turned 18 and moved out of the house to study in England, she is left by herself. This woman had every reason to feel lonely, bitter and unsatisfied with her life and yet she was one of the happiest people I have ever seen.
I asked her what her secret is and she just laughed, saying that there is no secret. But the more she talked to me, the more I understood about how she sees life and how she thinks.
If you, like me, are wondering why some people have everything necessary to be happy and yet they are miserable, and why others have absolutely no reason to be happy, yet they radiate love, kindness and peace, here the Simple Guide to Long-Lasting Happiness and Joy from one of the happiest people I have ever met (apply it to your own life and I guarantee that it will work for you as well):
1. Count what counts.
Often when it comes to finding happiness, we base our choices on emotions rather than the desires of our true self. We just kind of choose the next thing we want and then ask ourselves “How can I get it?” But we rarely know the true reason of WHY we pursue something in the first place. The first step to becoming happier and more aware of the core motivation behind your desires, is to shift your focus from what you can get to what adds value to your life.
Ask yourself “What is one intangible thing I can count today (be it at work or at home) that makes my life meaningful?”
For example, for me, my work is not about the amount of money that I make per hour (although, I do have to pay my bills). It is about the difference that I make in my own and other people’s life during that hour of work. I have noticed that the less I focus on “making money”, the better I work and the happier I feel. What about you? What counts in your life?
Hint: it is intangible!
2. Stop chasing after happiness.
In western culture, happiness is perceived as any goal. And therefore, according to our logic it can be achieved with enough persistence and determination. As someone who has taught Goal Setting for over 10 years, I can tell you that it does not work like this. Happiness is not something that we can reach if we do X,Y or Z. It is an inner state of peace, joy, love and gratitude. And since it comes from within, trying to search for it outside of yourself is similar to traveling across the oceans to look for a needle that you have actually lost in your own house.
Instead of chasing after happiness, slow down and focus on your inner world: on your loving thoughts, on your true desires, on the activities that bring joy and harmony into your heart. And you will undoubtedly become happier. But the best thing is that your happiness will not depend on other people or circumstances. It will stay with you for as long as you want!
3. Live in the moment.
I have a question for you – When do you plan on being happy? When you get married? When you find a better job? When your children go to college? When your mother-in-law stops giving you a hard time? When is that perfect moment of bliss and joy going to come into your life? It is not a trick question and there is no right or wrong answer. It is just your personal estimation.
Because every time you decide to be happy sometime in the future, you are denying yourself the right to feel happy now. Even if ‘now’ is not as perfect as you would like it to be, it does not mean that you can not enjoy it or use this moment to become a little bit more patient, more caring, more grateful, and at the end more content with your life.
4. Serve others.
We often feel uncomfortable with the word “serving” or “being some one else’s servant”. Most of us enjoy helping those less fortunate than ourselves, partly because we like to feel needed, appreciated, and admired. But serving… It just sounds too belittling. Our ego is not happy about switching from the dominating ‘benefactor’ position to the position of a ‘servant’. However, any action that does not make our ego happy is exactly the action that brings us true satisfaction and that warm feeling inside.
Try it for yourself! Do something for others, without expecting them to return a favor or to appreciate your kind gesture, and you will be repaid 10 times with a feeling of profound happiness that will enter your heart.
5. Do not make gratification your ultimate goal.
All the material goals that we pursue have one ultimate goal in common – happiness. It is very tempting to think that having tons of money, living in your own little palace or gaining world recognition can make us happier. But all the riches of this world can only bring short outbursts of satisfaction. Just like a Red Bull or a cup of coffee, makes us feel alert and energized, our materialistic achievements allow us to experience temporary “enthusiasm highs”.
Unfortunately, after the ‘satisfaction effect’ wears off, it somehow leaves us feeling empty, confused and disappointed inside.
If your ultimate goal is a spiritual one, all of the material things like money, cars and latest gadgets will do very little to bring you closer to it. Spiritual goal (and happiness is a spiritual goal) can only be accomplished through non-materialistic actions, like serving others, praying, forgiving, meditating or following your life purpose.
6. Nurture gratitude attitude.
In one of his books “Real Enjoyment of Life”, written over a half century ago Rabbi Hyman Schachtel proposed that “happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have”
In spite of what many of us come to believe, our greatest successes, just as our most devastating failures, are only temporary concurrence of circumstances. What truly matters is not the outcome, but the attitude that we have towards it. Pay attention to your thoughts! Are you focused on getting what you want or appreciating what you already have?
Do you feel grateful for all the blessings that you have been given? Or do your thoughts evolve around all the injustices and difficulties that you have had to deal with?
Because every moment you are either cultivating happiness or unhappiness inside your heart. But it is always your personal choice of attitude.
7. Give up your expectations.
When our expectations are not met, we feel disappointed, frustrated, angry or upset. None of these emotions brings us closer to happiness, well-being or inner harmony. If you often find yourself stressing out about someone not living up to your expectations or something not happening according to your plans, the easiest way to regain your peace of mind is to let go of any expectations and just enjoy the mysterious path, full of surprises, called life.
8. Do not get obsessed with an idea of happiness.
If you have seen Shrek II, you probably remember the scene, where Shrek, Fiona and donkey are traveling to Far Far Away land. The donkey is so excited about getting there that he asks every 5 seconds, “Are we there yet?” and keeps hearing the same answer “NO!”
Just like this donkey we often get too obsessed with our destination point and keep exhausting ourselves with the same question – “Am I happy yet?” And the answer is usually, “No!”, because if you are so focused on your destination point, you have no time to enjoy the journey itself.
To feel happier adopt a Zen attitude: Appreciate when everything is going well in your life, but do not become disheartened when problems arise, because even the most serious problem can turn out to be the biggest blessing!
Being happy is not about having everything you ever dreamed of. It is about being grateful for what you already have!
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Tags: achieving true happiness, become happy, guide to happiness, happiness, how to be happy
