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We start in:

The Only Reason Why You Still Have Not Achieved Your Goals

Of course, there could be hundreds of different reasons, why we fail to achieve our goals, starting from lack of motivation, lack of money, lack of persistence, to lack of self-discipline or lack of time… In general, anything that starts with a word “lack” could serve as a plausible excuse for our misfortunes and failures. But I do not think the true reason is the lack of anything.We have so many different goals and desires.

Some of us want to build a successful, thriving career. Some of us dream about meeting that special person, falling in love and spending your whole life together. Some of us want to remain young, healthy and full of energy. Some of us want to make tons of money and never worry about paying bills or having to work two jobs again. Some of us would like to drive a new shiny black Ferrari and feel cool. And some of us, like my 3-year-old niece, just want to have a stuffed pink dog with white fluffy ears.

What do I want? Many different things (including lots of money and a stuffed pink dog 🙂 ).

But, I guess, the biggest dream I had for the longest time was to buy a summer house somewhere on the beach. You know, a white one, with huge windows that face the sea, with a spacious patio on the first floor and a cozy fireplace that would keep me and my family warm during rainy evenings.

There are so many wonderful things about having a beach house. You could wake up early in morning, stroll barefoot along the beach, breathe the fresh salty air, and feel warm sand under your feet. You could invite friends over for a cook out, grill meat on the patio, drink wine and laugh together. You could admire a breathtaking sunset while holding hands with the person you love. A lovely dream, isn’t it?

Well, I had this goal for over two years. I could picture it in my mind in the smallest detail, and yet nothing happened. The Law of Attraction was not working! I kept hoping and visualizing, working and waiting, but no matter how much I tried, I was not moving any closer to my desire.

Do you know what I am talking about? You try and fail, try again, but nothing seems to change and after some time you start wondering what you are doing wrong.

Of course, there could be hundreds of different reasons, why we fail to achieve our goals, starting from lack of motivation, lack of money, lack of persistence, to lack of self-discipline or lack of time… In general, anything that starts with a word “lack” could serve as a plausible excuse for our misfortunes and failures. But I do not think the true reason is the lack of anything.

I believe that often we do not get what we want, because we are not ready to receive it. I know it may sound weird, but hear me out.

Whenever we start blaming our inability to achieve the goal that we want on lack of something, we are simply shifting responsibility to external factors that are outside of our control. “God’s punishment”, “bad karma”, “terrible character”, “genetics” – all of these phrases have one thing in common – we can not do anything about them. And, therefore, it is not our fault.

In my case, I realized that I only wanted to have all the good parts of having a beach house, and none of the troubles. When I looked deep down inside myself I realized that I am simply not ready to accept the responsibilities that come hand in hand with my goal. I do not want to fix the roof if it starts leaking. I do not want to sweep the floor twice a day, because there is sand all over the place. I do not want to worry about robbers and floods. I do not want to decide whether I want to rent the house, while I am not living in it or just keep it closed for nine months a year. And I, definitely, had never pictured myself staying locked up in the house if it rained for a week.

Of course, you may think that I am saying all this just to make myself feel better about the goal that I have not accomplished or to rationalize my failures. And maybe, you are right. Maybe on some subconscious level I am doing just that. But I do not think so. I believe that desire is not something that we wish to have just for the heck of having it.

Desire is responsibility. And in most cases we can attain our goal only when we are ready to accept full responsibility for it, as well as all the ‘after effects’ of it.

It is like having a child. When you are ready for it, you just know. And you realize it is not going to be easy and that you will have to deal with diapers, burps and many-many sleepless nights, but you still want it, because all these things stop to matter the second your baby looks up at you and gives you a huge smile. That is how you know that you are ready to accept responsibility and truly enjoy it.

Now go ahead and take a look at the goal that you have been trying to achieve for a long time? What are the responsibilities that come along with it? Are you mentally prepared to face all the challenges that your might encounter after accomplishing what you wanted? Are you sure? 🙂

If your answer is “yes!” than I have no doubt that you will get whatever you have set your mind on. But if whenever you think about your goal, deep down you feel that strange resistance or that it might not be what you truly want, then I suggest you let go of this goal and direct your energy into something that will bring you a lot more satisfaction in the long run.

They say, “Be careful what you wish for”, because if you keep insisting, you just might get it…

43 Comments
  • Masimba Biriwasha
    September 24, 2009 at 6:28 pm

    I think you so right, this is so true

  • Iftikhar Ahmad
    September 24, 2009 at 7:11 pm

    great thought, and very well said thanks

  • Andrew Acayan
    September 24, 2009 at 8:38 pm

    I would like to remain young, live healthy and have lots of energy. Have a great day!

  • Lordkwise Mensah
    September 24, 2009 at 10:12 pm

    Winning is not everything, but wanting to win is

  • Olaide Ayodeji
    September 24, 2009 at 10:16 pm

    Nice one , feelin u Arina

  • Mensah Patrick
    September 25, 2009 at 12:12 am

    Winning is not everything, but wanting to win is

  • Brown Mensah Patrick
    September 25, 2009 at 12:12 am

    Winning is not everything, but wanting to win is

  • Patrick Mensah
    September 25, 2009 at 5:12 am

    Winning is not everything, but wanting to win is

  • redroce
    September 25, 2009 at 11:09 am

    Thanks for you Arina, the message really fits for what I am going through right now. Please continue to write inspiring message, you make me realize why until now I was not moving any closer to my desire.

  • Dexter Foster
    September 26, 2009 at 9:43 am

    Excellent article!!!

  • Heather Armstrong
    September 26, 2009 at 5:52 pm

    Thank you your site. It’s been a great help.

  • Patrick Mensah
    September 27, 2009 at 1:33 pm

    I love being able to wear dresses and clothes that make me feel feminine and beautiful, and I love the fact that I don't have to all the time; I can wear a tank and jeans.ladies beware of your dresses,Thank you madam Arina i want to know more about you

  • Piyush Jain
    September 27, 2009 at 6:13 pm

    it's such a great article u hv written

  • GB
    September 28, 2009 at 12:26 pm

    Great perspective Arina. My jury’s still out on the metaphysical side of LOA, but you hit the proverbial nail on the head with conflicting desires whether it affects the metaphysical or just the power of our beliefs. Great post.

  • joel,degboe
    September 30, 2009 at 9:13 am

    thx soo much for your inspiration…God bless u dearly for the impact you have made on me this afternoon.

  • CD
    October 1, 2009 at 7:20 am

    Fascinating and refreshing insight.

  • Paul Taubman
    October 1, 2009 at 9:16 am

    Very true! When setting your goals, you need to look past the ‘glamor’ and realize that there are day to day responsibilities that may be attached.

    Great reminder, Arina.

    Be Well.
    Paul.
    http://www.AllAboutGratitude.com

  • sajid
    October 11, 2009 at 9:59 am

    Dear Arina,

    Your are absoultly right that if we want to acheive our goals Ist we have to be ready for hardship which will come on the way.

    When we start thinking for this perspective we’ll surely get what we want to achieve.

    Keep it up.

    Regards,

    Sajid Hameed

  • Chuks
    October 24, 2009 at 11:52 am

    Thank you so much Arina.

  • Ravi Teja
    December 17, 2009 at 9:58 am

    Well,
    the article as parts does have an impact. but at a whole it lack some essence. I hope you take this as complement rather than an awful comment
    warm wishes,
    Ravi Teja

  • alex
    December 24, 2009 at 11:22 am

    great message arina! desire=responsibility.i think this may be why clarity is so important when setting & achieving goals.being totally clear on your outcome especially the responsibility piece. we need to “own” the totality of our goal (desire+responsibility)not just the desire part! Thanks again Arina.- Alex

  • Mark
    February 15, 2012 at 10:55 am

    My ‘beach house’ is a new business, new direction. It’s obvious to me that it won’t be easy, I can foresee many difficult challenges on that path and maybe I’m not mentally prepared for every one of them right now but almost every other article in this vein says ‘start where you are, don’t wait for the perfect moment..’ This article left me dispondent and start to question my motives..again.
    ‘Are you sure you really want to do this?’ ‘Are you sure you wouldn’t be better staying in cubicle nation?’
    It could have been a lot more positive and included some guidance. Especially as the last few weeks has seen several different products promoted through Arina’s email, to overcome obstacles and achieve goals. Including Arina’s own offering.
    Do I give my $$ to Arina, or to one of her friends, who, no doubt is offering a great deal just for Arina’s subscribers, or take the negative tone of this article and keep my head well below the pulpit?

    • Arina
      February 5, 2013 at 1:59 pm

      Thank you for your sharing, Mark. Opening a new business is a huge step and I hope that you will take it. Because if you describe your current work situation as a “cubicle nation”, I think it is pretty clear that you are ready for a change.
      I’m sorry if my post has confused you or planted doubts in your mind. It was not my intention.

      Although, I think that there is one important difference between my situation and yours. You see, besides planning to buy a beach house, I was actually taking steps to make it come true. I was checking listings, talking to real estate agents, saving money for this goal and looking for additional sources of income to make it come true.

      In your case, it is still on the stage of planning. It’s not about waiting for the perfect conditions or trying to picture every single obstacle that you may encounter and checking if it is something that you want to deal with. The advice that you have read is right – start where you are, take actual steps, be ready to meet some challenges, do everything in your power to make your goal come true. BUT if nothing is working, know when it is time to let go and move on to something else. Test another business idea, improve your current offer, find a different market, etc…

      I don’t know why you find this idea depressing. It makes a perfect sense to me. As to buying any ebooks or programs that I recommend… First, each of the products that I offer has at least 30-day money back guarantee, which means that you really don’t risk anything by trying it out. Second, if you always stop at a level of “great advice let me think about that and see what other self-help experts are saying about that”, then I guarantee none of the advice is going to work for you.

      To sum up, we read what we want to read and see what we want to see. Maybe the fact that 40 people have found inspiration in this article and you found it depressing, says that subconsciously you might be looking for reasons and justification not to open your business? If so, than you have to address this issue first. Negativity is a big enemy of success.

      Hope it helps,

      Arina

  • Virendradr virendra
    March 6, 2012 at 7:31 am

    Hi Arina

    Your
     articles are always inspiring,full of wisdom.You can  also visualise
    your success in the following  ideas;

    The
    thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing
    makes it happen. Nothing
    can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal;
    nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude

    The greatest results in life are
    usually attained by simple means and the exercise of ordinary qualities. These
    may for the most part be summed in these two: common-sense and perseverance. The difference between a successful
    person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but
    rather a lack in will.

    If you wish success in life, make perseverance your bosom
    friend, experience your wise counselor, caution your elder brother, and hope
    your guardian geni The man who makes a success of an important venture never wails
    for the crowd. He strikes out for himself. It takes nerve, it takes a great lot
    of grit; but the man that succeeds has both. Anyone can fail. The public
    admires the man who has enough confidence in himself to take a chance. These
    chances are the main things after all. The man who tries to succeed must expect
    to be criticized. Nothing important was ever done but the greater number
    consulted previously doubted the possibility. Success is the accomplishment of
    that which most people think can’t be done.

     

     

  • Virendradr virendra
    March 6, 2012 at 7:32 am

    Hi Arina

    Your
     articles are always inspiring,full of wisdom.You can  also visualise
    your success in the following  ideas;

    The
    thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing
    makes it happen. Nothing
    can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal;
    nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude

    The greatest results in life are
    usually attained by simple means and the exercise of ordinary qualities. These
    may for the most part be summed in these two: common-sense and perseverance. The difference between a successful
    person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but
    rather a lack in will.

    If you wish success in life, make perseverance your bosom
    friend, experience your wise counselor, caution your elder brother, and hope
    your guardian geni The man who makes a success of an important venture never wails
    for the crowd. He strikes out for himself. It takes nerve, it takes a great lot
    of grit; but the man that succeeds has both. Anyone can fail. The public
    admires the man who has enough confidence in himself to take a chance. These
    chances are the main things after all. The man who tries to succeed must expect
    to be criticized. Nothing important was ever done but the greater number
    consulted previously doubted the possibility. Success is the accomplishment of
    that which most people think can’t be done.

    Hi Arinalways inspiring,full of wisdom.You can  also visualise
    your success in the following  ideas;

    The
    thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief i a thing
    makes it happen. Nothing
    can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal;
    nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude

    The greatest results in life are
    usually attained by simple means and the exercise of ordinary qualities. These
    may for the most part be summed in these two: common-sense and perseverance. The difference between a successful
    person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but
    rather a lack in will.

    If you wish success in life, make perseverance your bosom
    friend, experience your wise counselor, caution your elder brother, and hope
    your guardian geni The man who makes a success of an important venture never wails
    for the crowd. He strikes out for himself. It takes nerve, it takes a great lot
    of grit; but the man that succeeds has both. Anyone can fail. The public
    admires the man who has enough confidence in himself to take a chance. These
    chances are the main things after all. The man who tries to succeed must expect
    to be criticized. Nothing important was ever done but the greater number
    consulted previously doubted the possibility. Success is the accomplishment of
    that which most people think can’t be done.

     

     

  • Omar
    March 7, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Dear Arina
    Thak you for it post. It’s very simply, but it’s true. Some of my goals bring to me huge responsability.
    God bless you
    Omar

  • Tsokan
    March 26, 2012 at 6:46 am

    I was a bit confused, but when you started explaining it made sense.

  • carolyn
    March 31, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    thanks Arina it really helps to read this 

    • Arina
      February 4, 2013 at 10:16 pm

      I’m glad to hear it Carolyn!

  • Steve
    June 25, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Nice  post, really impactful 

  • Swethamore
    July 8, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    Wonderful Article and so very true.

  • Mut Somoeun
    August 20, 2012 at 2:39 am

    It’s great and productive idea, I do agree with you. However, to reach the desired goal we should have these qualities: Hope, confidence, patience, struggle, and efforts.

    • Arina
      February 4, 2013 at 10:14 pm

      Very true! It is important to be clear about what you want, believe that you can achieve it, have patience to wait for results and be ready to work hard and face the occasional challenges.

      Although, I’ve also learned that it is also important to know when to persist and when to let go and move on. What are your thoughts, Mut?

  • James Aengari
    September 30, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    its great, i like that article. it will help people to once again striving for their lost hope.

  • Henry Mvula
    October 15, 2012 at 5:31 am

    Great package of insights,Arina!! I think you are very right on us being unready for some of our wishes. And we should take that necessary time to consider the adversities that go hand-in-hand with those goals we want to achieve. Great write up,and thanks!!!

    • Arina
      February 4, 2013 at 10:06 pm

      Thank you for your feedback, Henry. I’m glad that you enjoyed it.

  • Benny Atbob, Papua New Guinea
    October 20, 2012 at 5:36 am

    Thanks Arina,
    Responsibility is taking ownership of your goals and acheiving them. Thanks for the artichle.

  • disqus
    November 1, 2012 at 7:55 am

    This is just silly. Magical thinking does not work, whether in goal setting or in analysis. Lack of work is generaly what prevents people from achieving their goals.

    • Arina
      February 4, 2013 at 10:06 pm

      I think that you are referring to Law of Attraction when you say “magical thinking” and I agree with you visualizing something is not enough. You have to take action to make your dreams come true. However, there is an extensive psychological research that proves – visualizing the outcome actually improves performance. Brain studies now reveal that thoughts produce the same mental instructions as actions, so I would not discard visualization as ineffective.

  • whiplash
    November 5, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Just when you finally get what you want, you find you don’t want it anymore.

    • Arina
      February 4, 2013 at 9:58 pm

      🙂 Yes, that too happens quite often.

  • swinnick
    December 17, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    It is food for thought, Although I do believe there is a lot more to people having their dreams than not wanting it enough and being ready, although I think there are elements of truth that bring relief. There are also elements that need to be further explored.

  • Anne - Just Only Home
    March 23, 2017 at 11:30 am

    Great thoughts. Wishes do come with responsibility. It takes a lot of courage to own that if it’s something you really want. Thanks for a new way of thinking on this!

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