Let me tell you a story…

In 1904 Claude Monet exhibited one of his remarkable paintings called “Houses of Parliament”. Monet had tried to capture an image of the Palace of Westminster overlooking the Thames in the early morning. If you look at it, the detail that will catch your eye right away is the color of the fog. It is purple!

When Monet showed his painting to the world, many art critics talked about the interesting vision of the artist or about the original choice of colors that he had used. But the true shock came a few days later when the people of London left their houses early in the morning and to their great surprise saw what they had never noticed before – the sun rays coming through fog had, indeed, made it look purple!

Before Monet’s painting, people looked at the same fog almost every day as they went to work, but most of them only now saw truly it for the first time. Their perception of reality had changed overnight, because of one single person who painted ‘by impression’, not by what he had been taught.

If you think about it, our reality is not something that objectively exists. It is woven from thousands of perceptions. We believe certain things, because at some point in our lives we have accepted them as true. NOT because they ARE a true reflection of reality.

I have a question for you… Have you ever talked to a person and just had a gut feeling that they were lying to you? Or when you were telling yourself a story, you could not get rid of the feeling that you are not being honest with yourself? What did it feel like?

I know that when I hear a lie I feel uneasy, upset, embarrassed or even angry. I believe that we all have a built-in lie detector that stirs up a whole range of negative emotions when we hear something that is not true.

Now let me ask you another question… How did you feel when someone put you down or told you that you could not do something? I am going to take a guess and say that you felt uneasy, upset, embarrassed or angry. Do you know why? Because your intuition was signaling to you that you had been told a LIE.

There are no Universal beauty or ugliness standards. There are no set limits for the amount of wealth and material possessions that a person should have, to be considered “rich” or “poor”. There are no IQ test or intelligence levels that make one person superior to another in the eyes of God.

We, ourselves, create these standards and put labels on ourselves and those around us. And we often ignore the fact that every single judgment that is made is just someone else’s point of view. Not the absolute truth.

When we are born, we do not have an opinion about who we are, what an ideal body should look like and what is possible or impossible for us to achieve. We learn all these opinions later in life and we accept them as truths.

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Have you ever heard of the Pillars of Hercules?

If you look at them, all you see are two little islands near the Straits of Gibraltar, but according to Roman mythology these pillars were built by Hercules to mark the end of the known world. It was said that the pillars bore the warning “Non Plus Ultra”, which means “Nothing further beyond”.

For thousands of years people looked at these islands and believed that the whole world ended just there. They could see the line of the horizon, the same deep turquoise sea and the same blue sky with tiny little white clouds generously spread over it. They could watch the seagulls flying over the pillars and turning back. And they dreamed about being free and careless like the birds. But the idea of going beyond the imposed borders never crossed their minds. Because no one had ever done it and, therefore, it could not be done!

Until one day a young man looked at these pillars and saw them for what they really were – just two lavishly green islands. Nothing else… nothing more… The man’s name was Christopher Columbus.

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What if you could eat dessert first and leave the broccoli for later?

When we were little, our parents used to tell us, “You have to eat you veggies first and then you’ll get dessert.” There was a logical explanation, “If you ate sweets first, you won’t finish your meal.” Makes sense! Who would want to eat disgusting veggies after delicious hot fudge sundae?

From early childhood we are taught that good things do not just happen to us. That we need to work hard, suffer, face difficulties, solve problems and maybe, just maybe, later we would get what we really want.

The real question is, “Why do things have to be this way?” Why do we accept that if there is no pain, there is no gain? Who said this?!

I do not know, who said it, but the man was definitely a genius! Our society tends to accept this belief as an axiom, something that has never been proved, but is considered to be self-evident.

Similar many people believe that pain is an inevitable part of life. We are taught that suffering should be “offered up” to God in order to deserve forgiveness. Or that life is a trial. It is a school, where we have to learn things the hard way.

If I told you that happiness is a natural state of being and that you deserve to have an extraordinary life, full of joy and success, would you believe me?

Probably not…  Because you have been told once and again that “You have to work hard for the money”, that “You have to deserve the good things in life” and that if something sounds really good, “It is too good to be true”.

All these axioms soon become facts that are taken for granted. Moreover, they serve as a starting point for deducing and inferring other ‘truths’. Later these “truths” become limiting beliefs that are deeply ingrained into our subconscious mind. They will continue to sabotage our chances of success during the course of our life.

The only people who have ever questioned and tested these ‘facts’ are the people that have become highly successful in all areas of life.

Now let me explain why we tend to believe that good things cannot happen to us.

What I am about to share with you is HUGE! This is a missing piece of the puzzle that makes the positive thinking theory fall into place. So pay close attention, because you will probably  not hear it from anyone else. But before I get to the actual explanation, let us take a look at how our mind works.

When we need to process information or make a decision about something there are actually two ways we can do it.

1. The first way is to analytically process all the data that we have and draw a conclusion. This is the hard way, because it requires a lot of mental effort and energy.
2. The second, easier way, is to use heuristics or a mental “shortcut” that allows us to solve problems and make judgments quickly and efficiently, without getting into information processing.

When we are faced with an ambiguous situation or do not have sufficient time or data to come to a certain conclusion, our mind, as a very efficient computer, rapidly scans our brain for the best possible answer. Heuristics are what we call “rules of thumb”, educated guesses, common sense, and intuitive judgments.

Often we tend to base our decisions and estimates on certain reference points or so-called ‘anchors’, adjusting incrementally our initial conclusion.

For example, if I ask you whether the population of Sweden is greater or less than 10 million, you might say ‘8 million’ or ‘12 million’. You would use the number 10 million as an anchor. In fact, we are normally much better at relative thinking than we are at absolute thinking. We use anchors, when trying to estimate how long it will take us to get to a certain place, to form a decision about another person’s character or actions,  to negotiate for a salary, a home or a car and even to predict the outcome of a situation or event.

Another interesting fact about using heuristics is that once we have chosen our anchor we have a tendency to selectively look for information that justifies our initial choice. Considerable research by cognitive psychologists confirms that when we have to make decision based on new information we adjust our original opinion only slightly.

What does this have to do with negative thinking? Everything!

Negative beliefs are formed exactly the same way. One negative belief, perceived as true by our subconscious mind, serves as an anchor to form similar negative beliefs.

Take for example, a phrase “No pain, no gain”. This phrase alone can be the major reason, why most people are struggling to lose weight. They have come to believe that having a toned, great looking body means starving on a diet, torturing themselves by lifting weights in a gym, going through painful surgery and having to give up half of the food they like. Weight loss has almost become a synonym for pain and suffering. When in reality there are plenty of people, who lose weight without having to drastically changing their lifestyle or give up food that they love.

Take another example, if you have been told time and again that “Rich people get their fortune by lying, cheating and stealing”, or that “Rich people are selfish, dishonest and greedy”, you will probably come to a conclusion that if you become rich, people will not like you anymore or that your friends will reject you, because you are successful.

There may be a part of you that wants to make money and achieve success, but another part that will think that it is wrong and does everything to sabotage your success.

Imagine starting your car and after 300 meters, stopping, then starting it again… then switching it off again. You will probably not get very far by doing this. Not to mention that you will waste a lot of effort and time. This is exactly what limiting beliefs make us do. They are those roadblocks that make us stop, when we could have been moving forward.

Although, using heuristics helps us in many life situations, relying on them too heavily can lead to a biased and distorted perception of future outcomes. Just as choosing the wrong ‘anchors’ can be very damaging for our self-esteem, motivation, productivity and determination.

If your initial assumption is “I can’t do it”, in all probability you will not do your best to achieve your goal. You are also likely to give up a lot earlier than if your initial assumption was, “Sure, I can do it!”.

Go ahead and take a look at your present belief system. Are there any negative ‘anchors’ that have been imposed on you by your parents, teachers, friends, mass media or society? Do they continue to sabotage your chances of success?

Then maybe it is time to question those beliefs? Because if your ‘anchors’ are not working for you, it is time to change them!

Recommended Reading:

How To Break Free From Limiting Beliefs In 3 Simple Steps