Let Go Of Excuses | Arina's Self Help Blog

Posts Tagged ‘ let go of excuses ’

Why Do We Dislike Taking Risks and What To Do About It?

It is now official! Behavior researchers and psychologists have proved something most of us have intuited long ago – people do not like to take risks even at the cost of letting valuable opportunities pass by.

What is so unattractive about taking risks?

Nothing really. Apart from the possibility of losing something valuable, be it money, better opportunity, or our self-esteem.

We like things and opportunities that come with the word “guarantee” attached to them. That way we feel safe and satisfied with our decisions.

Risk, on the other hand, means that there is a certain percentage of failure involved. Of course, there is also a certain percentage of success. But since we are a lot more motivated by what we can lose than by what we can gain, we do not like to chance it.

However, there is also a downside to avoiding risks in life:

1. Tons of missed opportunities (because any great new opportunities always involve taking risks)

2. So-so life (“playing it safe” is a sure way to settle for a lot less than you actually wanted and could have achieved)

3. Not-so-good relationships (because there are no guarantees when it comes to feelings.)

Any serious worth-while goals and achievements require taking risks.

If you want to start your own business or find a better job, you have to be willing to quit your current job first and lose your financial stability.

If you want to create strong, happy, long-lasting relationships you have to be prepared to put your trust and even your heart at stake.

If you want to become a good leader and gain other people’s respect, you need to learn to take decisive actions in risk-related situations.

How to take risks and do it WELL?

1. Calculate your risks. Taking risks is like skydiving. You need to have courage to take that first step into the vast chasm of blue. But before you do that and enjoy the liberating and exciting feeling of flying, you must check your equipment and make sure that your parachute will open. Be smart about taking risks. Weigh carefully your chances of success and what you put at stake. If something goes wrong, it should not ruin you emotionally, financially or physically.

2. Have a plan B. What are the potential risks that you can encounter? What can you do if something does not go according to your initial plan? Taking risks means dealing with the possibility of failure. Having a plan B can noticeably improve your chances of success and shift the odds in your favor.

3. Look at what it is costing you NOT to take this risk. Almost always personal growth and achievements come with risk no matter whether you fail or succeed. Unconsciously you may try to resist change and try to protect your sense of security. But if in the long run it costs you your health, your relationships, your promotion, your happiness and fulfillment then you are probably paying too much for it.

4. Analyze what taking this risk is worth to you. Sometimes even if you take a risk and fail, you end up winning anyway, because you learn valuable lessons in the process and stretch your abilities. There is a certain satisfaction in knowing that you dared and went for your dream against all odds, whether you succeeded or not. Regret of never trying is usually much harder to live with than failure.

5. Let go of excuses. When we are facing a challenge and the possibility of failing, our mind ‘rationalizes’ our fears by coming up with hundreds of “logical” reasons not to do it. Take time to reflect which reasons are real and which ones are nicely disguised excuses.

And finally… Start taking risks today! The more you think about whether you should take a risk or not, the less likely you will not do it. Courage is not something we are born with. It is a quality that we develop with practice. Challenge your fears by starting to take small risks now! Go to a restaurant where you have not been before and order something that sounds really strange, buy a different style of clothing, try a new sport or do something you ordinary would not do!

It’s fun and exciting! You’ll see!

parashute 300x234 Why Do We Dislike Taking Risks and What To Do About It?

What is so unattractive about taking risks?

Nothing really. Apart from the possibility of losing something valuable, be it money, better opportunity, or our self-esteem.

We like things and opportunities that come with the word “guarantee” attached to them. That way we feel safe and satisfied with our decisions.

However, there is also a downside to avoiding risks in life:

1. Tons of missed opportunities (because any great new opportunities always involve taking risks)

(more…)

Tags: avoid risk advice, danger taking risk, let go of excuses, safe risks, smart risk taking, taking calculated risks
Posted in Success and Happiness | 38 Comments »

Why Do You Have To Run Out Of Excuses Soon?

Harold S. Kushner wrote a wonderful book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” as a reaction to personal tragedy – his son Aaron died prematurely. This book is dedicated to anyone “who has been hurt by life”, to help people find a faith that can aid them in getting through their troubles, rather than making things worse.

Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to us?

I have. I can not say that I have figured out the answer to this question. I guess I am just not wise enough to understand God’s ways. But I am sure about one thing – every event, every situation, every problem or opportunity always has a cause.

In our case we always have two choices:

1. We can either believe that “things just happen to you” and attribute that cause to an external event (like bad economy, controlling parents, insensitive spouse, stupid boss and even a damn dog)

2. Or we can view ourselves as a cause of events and accept full responsibility for everything that happens in our life, no matter if it is good or bad.

The first option does carry more appeal in the short-term perspective. After all it is easy to think that everything that happens to us is not our fault. It is easy to play the role of a victim and receive an affectionate pat on the shoulder, together with a sympathetic smile and the advice to “cheer up”.

However, in the long-term perspective blaming someone or something for your misfortunes is a dangerous thing to do. As soon as you become a victim of circumstance you have only three options:

• Run from your troubles

• Hide from them

• Submissively accept them and suffer the consequences

None of the three options sounds particularly inspiring, do they? Being a victim is not easy. It comes at a price of a lot of emotional, physical and mental pain.

Accepting responsibility for everything good and bad that happens to you, may be also at first a hard pill to swallow. But it is the only way to gain control of your life, turn your bad luck around, stop being seen as a failure and gain other people’s respect and admiration.

How do you see your life?

 Do you believe that you can change yourself and circumstances? Or do you often feel powerless and trapped in your own problems and negative situations?

 Do you want to create and contribute to something bigger than yourself? Or are you concentrated on just getting by and providing for your family?

 Do you feel comfortable with being who you are? Or do you have a strong need to make other people like you?

 Do you consider yourself an optimistic person? Or do you prefer to prepare yourself for the worst possible outcome to avoid feeling disappointed if things do not work out?

 Do you have long term goals and a clear vision of what your future should be like? Or do you prefer not to plan ahead, because your plans never come true?

 And most the important question to ask yourself is do you consider the Universe a friendly place? Or do you believe that you have to struggle for that little bit happiness that life might give you?

Life is neither a continuous vacation nor is it a struggle, but our thinking makes it so.

If you are tired of worrying what another day may bring you… if the thought that other people pity you gives you goose bumps… if you do not want to live in fear and uncertainty any more… if you are fed up with other people making important decisions for you…

It is time to let go of all the excuses and take back control of your life.

Here are 3 steps you can take to do just that:

Accept that you are the only person responsible for your life. I know that it is already hard enough to accept responsibility for the problems that we have brought on ourselves, not to mention the situations that we could not predict or control.

The truth is that you may do everything right, think all the right thoughts, be a wonderful caring person and you may still have to face difficulties and obstacles on your way. But unless you start to think of yourself as the only cause of everything that happens and does not happen in your life, you will not be able to change anything.

Focus on solutions, not on problems. Finding an event or a person at fault does nothing to resolve a problem. Instead of pointing fingers, dwelling on your misfortunes, or torturing yourself with a question “Why me?!” concentrate your thoughts on finding a solution and changing the situation. It is a much better use of your energy.

Learn your lessons. Psychologists all over the world keep discovering evidence that problems are the strongest motivator to our personal growth. When everything is fine, we tend to relax and just enjoy it. But only by facing challenges can we discover what we are made of and go past our limits.

The best way to deal with your problems is learn from them. There is always a lesson behind every obstacle. Our only task is to understand it.

Wise people say that if a certain event happens just one time in our life, it can be considered an accident. An event that happened twice is a coincidence. But if the same situation is repeated several times it becomes normality.

What is the problem that continues to arise in your life? Usually we repeat certain actions, until they become hard-wired in our brain and then turn into patterns of behavior. Since we continue to repeat the same actions, we habitually find ourselves having to face the same problems. Until we make a conscious effort to change our counter-productive behavior, let go of old excuses and learn from our mistakes, we will keep getting the same results.

Harold S. Kushner wrote a wonderful book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” as a reaction to personal tragedy – his son Aaron died prematurely. This book is dedicated to anyone “who has been hurt by life”, to help people find a faith that can aid them in getting through their troubles, rather than making things worse.

Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to us?

In our case we always have two choices:

2. Or we can view ourselves as a cause of events and accept full responsibility for everything that happens in our life, no matter if it is good or bad.

(more…)

Tags: automatic behavior patterns, let go of excuses, resolve problems fast, steps to gain control, stop being a victim, take responsibility
Posted in Motivation | 16 Comments »