I have a question for you – Are you happy? It is not a complicated question. A simple “Yes” or “No” will do just fine. But when we are caught off guard, we usually say something like, “What is happiness anyway?”, “At the moment I am quite satisfied with my life”, “I have a great spouse and 2 wonderful children. What else could I ask for?”
It is not often that I meet people, who respond to this seemingly challenging question with a simple “Yes”. Yesterday however I met a woman like that.
She was radiating joy, peace and happiness. And she was not a spiritual teacher, highly successful business lady or the wife of an oil magnate.
She cooks and serves meals in a tiny Ayurvedic café, located right in the middle of a yoga center. She had brought my food over to me and since at that moment my friend and I were her only clients, she started chatting with us. As it turned out, she does not have a degree, because she got married very early. Her husband died a few years later, leaving her with a young child to look after. And now that her daughter has turned 18 and moved out of the house to study in England, she is left by herself. This woman had every reason to feel lonely, bitter and unsatisfied with her life and yet she was one of the happiest people I have ever seen.
I asked her what her secret is and she just laughed, saying that there is no secret. But the more she talked to me, the more I understood about how she sees life and how she thinks.
If you, like me, are wondering why some people have everything necessary to be happy and yet they are miserable, and why others have absolutely no reason to be happy, yet they radiate love, kindness and peace, here the Simple Guide to Long-Lasting Happiness and Joy from one of the happiest people I have ever met (apply it to your own life and I guarantee that it will work for you as well):
1. Count what counts.
Often when it comes to finding happiness, we base our choices on emotions rather than the desires of our true self. We just kind of choose the next thing we want and then ask ourselves “How can I get it?” But we rarely know the true reason of WHY we pursue something in the first place. The first step to becoming happier and more aware of the core motivation behind your desires, is to shift your focus from what you can get to what adds value to your life.
Ask yourself “What is one intangible thing I can count today (be it at work or at home) that makes my life meaningful?”
For example, for me, my work is not about the amount of money that I make per hour (although, I do have to pay my bills). It is about the difference that I make in my own and other people’s life during that hour of work. I have noticed that the less I focus on “making money”, the better I work and the happier I feel. What about you? What counts in your life?
Hint: it is intangible!
2. Stop chasing after happiness.
In western culture, happiness is perceived as any goal. And therefore, according to our logic it can be achieved with enough persistence and determination. As someone who has taught Goal Setting for over 10 years, I can tell you that it does not work like this. Happiness is not something that we can reach if we do X,Y or Z. It is an inner state of peace, joy, love and gratitude. And since it comes from within, trying to search for it outside of yourself is similar to traveling across the oceans to look for a needle that you have actually lost in your own house.
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Behind our every goal and every dream always lies a desire to be happy. We search for happiness in our professional achievements. We wonder if it is hidden in financial security or in harmonious relationships. We read books about positive thinking and the Law of Attraction in order to understand the secret of long-lasting happiness and a satisfying life.
