“Your chances of success in any undertaking can always be measured by your belief in yourself.” – Robert Collier

Doubting yourself or your own abilities and skills, having to put up with derogatory remarks every day, spending most of your efforts on proving to everyone that you are worthy can be very frustrating (to put it mildly). Ironically, being aware about your lack of self-confidence, does not make you feel any better about yourself.

But it does not have to be this way!

Here is the second part of the 24 amazing tips that will help you boost your self-confidence, break free from the self-pity and self-doubt cycle, take control of your life back, and gain the respect and support of others:

13. Count your blessings

Self-doubts and worries attract negative events and failures into your life. The best way to stop the flow of self-destructive thoughts is to switch your focus from what you do not have – to everything that you have been blessed with. Believe me, there is always something to be grateful for: your health, your parents, your children, a roof over your head, your job. Many people do not have even that much!

14.  Contribute to others

Knowing that your experience, knowledge and skills can serve other people is an empowering thought. The momentyou start helping others, you stop viewing yourself as a victim of circumstances. You realize that you hold the power to make someone else’s life a little easier and a little better. Just make sure that you offer your help, because you want to, not because you expect gratitude or a favor in return!

15. Refrain from judging

Judging someone is nothing else than a subconscious attempt to boost your self-esteem by putting other people down. Your own lack of self-confidence and self doubts could be the direct result of someone judging you in the past. You know how terrible it feels when another person tries to compensate for their hurt ego by making other people feel miserable. So why be that person?

16. Do not jump to conclusions

Neurological studies show that we rarely make decisions completely rationally and objectively. 90% of the time the conclusions that we make are based on bits and pieces of information that we can interpret differently depending on our mood, our past experiences, our background and our self-esteem. Keep that in mind and base your judgments on facts, rather than presentiments! If someone is frowning, it does not necessarily mean that they dislike you or that YOU did something wrong. Similar, if the last time you did not follow through with your goal, it does not mean that you are hopeless and will fail every goal that you set.

17. Stop comparing yourself with others

They say that a troubled mind tends to compare two entirely different things. You might be doing the same thing… If you take the strengths of others and compare them to your weaknesses – the result will always be unsatisfactory. Do not intentionally put yourself down. The only relevant parameter of your growth and progress is the difference between how you were last week and how you are today!

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“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” – Malcolm S. Forbes

Have you ever been at a friend’s party, where you did not know anyone except for the person who invited you? How did it go?

I usually end up having a great time and meeting interesting people. The only thing I do not enjoy about these kinds of parties is the first 15-20 minutes of awkwardness. Do you know what I am talking about? You enter the room full of people you do not know. Your friend disappears, because they have to greet someone else and you just stand there, wondering if anyone will talk to you or if you should engage another person in conversation.

If you are lucky some good soul comes over to you and says “Hi!”, if not you have three choices: 1) look for the friend who invited you there, 2) search the crowd and see if there is anyone else in the room who is standing by them self and seems to be tortured by the same dilemma as you are: to talk or not to talk, or 3) choose the group of people who seem to be having fun and walk up to them.

My point is that no matter how self-confident or outgoing we are, there will be situations when we will doubt our abilities or feel shy or inadequate around other people.

But the true question is not “Why do we feel that way?”, but “What can we do about it?”

Here is the first part of 24 Golden Nuggets that have helped me to fight occasional self-doubts and become more confident in myself:

1. Love Yourself

Loving yourself does not mean that you should completely ignore your weaknesses or sit for hours in front of a mirror, admiring your beauty. Love is about acceptance, compassion and forgiveness. Yes, you can mess up and get yourself into embarrassing situations. But guess what? So can everyone else! Learn to forgive yourself for past failures and accept your shortcoming. No one is perfect. But everyone is unique! This is what makes relationships so interesting and exciting!

2. Watch your language!

People’s feelings and negatives beliefs are reflected in their words. Become aware of how you frame your sentences. Think of the message that you are sending to other people when you say, “I can never get it right”, “It’s so easy, even I could have done it”, “You would not want to go out with me, would you?” Do not generalize or catastrophize the situation! Try to be specific and objective. There is a huge difference between saying, “No one loves me! I will never get married and I will die alone” and saying, “They do not want to go out with me, but that does not mean no one does. I just need to keep looking.”

3. Look good to feel good

When you look nice you feel good. And when you feel good, you start to talk and act more confidently. Nothing helps you to regain your self-confidence and optimism faster than an elegant outfit, a great new haircut or accessories that radiate power and professionalism.

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