I still remember the time when my parent’s friends would come over without calling or informing us in advance about their visit. They would just knock on the door and stay for a cup of coffee, chatting with my parents and discussing the latest news. Today the idea of someone just showing up on your doorstep sounds at the least strange if not ill-mannered. It has become common courtesy to call your friends a few days or, even better, a week in advance and decide on the time of your next meeting.
The advent of Internet and other technological advances like cell phones and instant messengers should have made our communication easier and more efficient. Which they have. But they have also changed the ways that we interact with others and in some ways challenged interpersonal communication with our friends.
Now with a push of the button we can “accept” new friends on Facebook and just as easily “delete” them off our friends’ list. Do not get me wrong. Facebook is a wonderful social network that helps us find and get in touch with people we have not seen since grade school. It gives us an opportunity to meet new people from just about any country in the world and learn more about their life and their culture. It allows us to get regular updates from our friends that live far away. But it is only a poor substitute for real face-to-face communication.
You can go through life having 500 friends on Facebook, but only a handful of real friends, who will be there for you no matter what. I believe that we can call ourselves fortunate if we have one to three true genuine friends. Not just acquaintances that we occasionally hang out with and meet for lunch.
To me real friendship is truly God’s gift and one of the most gratifying relationships that we can have with other people. But just as any relationship, friendship takes a lot of time and constant effort to cultivate and maintain.
I have been reading a wonderful book “What’s Worth Knowing” by Wendy Lustbader that offers hard-won wisdom that people gained through seventy, eighty, and ninety-plus years of living. An 89-year old John Caughlan when asked “What advice would you give a young person who is trying to live a good life?” answered without hesitation – Good fortune is having good friends:
“Your family is stuck with you. After you get married, your wife is stuck with you, too. But friends are free to come and go. The ones that stay by your side become treasures. They just plain like you. I’m proud of certain things I’ve done in my life, certain accomplishments. But look at my friends! You can’t just go out and acquire them. You make them. Years go by, and you go through hard times together. It takes some doing. I look around and see how lucky I am to have such fine people in my life.”
I truly wish that when I am almost 90 I can say the same. Unfortunately, maintaining friendships is not as easy for me as it was only 5-10 years ago. Friends get married, have children, move to a different countries and we slowly grow apart.
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