“We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.” ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

“Just be yourself!”- is such an obvious statement. What can be easier than that? And yet the first thought that comes to mind is “Can’t you, please, be more specific?”

We are so used to changing masks, playing our social roles, adapting to other people and circumstances that most of us no longer understand where the real us is and when “us” is acting. We know how to act to be a leader – you guide, manage and educate those who depend on you. We know what it means to be a good employee – you show up to work on time, invest your time, skills and abilities to help the company grow and prosper. We have a pretty good idea about what being a wonderful spouse or a great parent means.

But how are you supposed to act when your only task is to be yourself?

If you are unsure how to answer this question, here are 9 suggestions that will help you to stay true to yourself.

1. Get to know yourself better.

If you need to fill every second of your day with some kind of activity, if you believe that any reason is good enough to go out instead of sitting at home, if you get bored by yourself – it all means just one thing – you have not got to know yourself well enough.
It is close to impossible to be yourself, when you do not know who you are or understand what you want! Take time to get to know yourself better! After all you are the only person who you will spend every day of your life with.

2. Develop your individuality.

Sometimes we copy other people’s actions or adapt to their beliefs, because it seems like the easiest way to fit in and be accepted. But it is also the easiest way to lose your unique individuality that makes people want to get to know you better. Why blend in with the surroundings and be just like everyone else, when you can actually stand out?
We all have our unique individuality. After all that is why we are called individuals, not primates. Whether you love to walk on the beach while it is raining or cannot stand the smell of beer, do not be afraid to share it with others! That is what makes you interesting and attracts others to you!

3. Do not snub the “popular” stuff.

When I was a teenager, every time I heard the phrase, “It is very popular right now” I automatically assumed that it was stupid, shallow and pointless. I did not listen to Backstreet Boys, because 99% of my classmates were constantly listening to them. I decided I did not like Leonardo di Caprio just because all the girls of my age were in love with him. I guess I just did not want to like something or someone simply because everyone else does. I wanted to be different. Unique. Invincible to social influence. Now when I think about it, it actually makes me laugh. Thinking that you are too cool to get in the trend is just as silly as wanting something because everyone else has it /likes it. Do not snub the popular stuff just because it labeled as “popular” or “trendy”. Take time to figure out what it is that you like! This is way more original!

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I am sure you want to feel loved, appreciated and understood. But guess what? So does everyone else! People give you advice, actively participate in your life and try to influence your decisions (not because they can not mind their own business ), but because they care about you and are convinced that they know what is better for you. Moreover, they actually expect gratitude (not irritation and anger) in exchange for their participation.

That is why the best way to avoid open arguments with people that you love, is to show them that you respect and value their opinion. You can still do things your way, though.

Social pressure is that uneasy feeling that most of us know too well. It is the feeling you had when you tried to smoke a cigarette for the first time, because you did not want your friends to think you were not ‘cool’. It is that bitter feeling of inferiority that you felt every time you were reminded that you were alone and still not married. It is that wave of protest that built up inside of you, when your boss asked you to stay after work hours to finish a project and you said “Sure. No problem.”, when you really wanted to say, “NO WAY!”.

So what makes social pressure so powerful?

For the most part it is our need to be liked, appreciated, cherished, and understood. We want to feel a part of the group and we know that in order to “fit in”, we must behave in certain “acceptable” ways. Even when our brain tells us that our actions are not logical, our overbearing emotions instruct us to act according to other people’s expectations.

Here are three things you can do to avoid being influenced by other people and claim back control of your life:

1. Know where you stand.

Whenever you start doubting your decisions or actions it can mean only two things:

• We feel that we are doing something wrong.

• We do not have clarity about our beliefs and core values. To be able to withstand other people’s influence and make the right decisions in life, we need to have a strong foundation. What do you believe in? What are your values? The earlier you get this clarity the better.

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