Are we happy because we are smiling or are we smiling because we are happy? Are we sad because we are crying or are we crying because we are sad?

Huh? What kind of questions are these? The kind psychologists have been asking themselves for more than five decades.

It might seem obvious to us that we are crying because we are sad. But in reality there is a lot of evidence that indicates otherwise. Psychologist Marsha Linehan, University of Washington, found that modulating facial expressions (such as relaxing our face when we are angry or tense) can help us to control our emotions. 

A leading expert in body language and microexpressions Paul Ekman and his colleagues have demonstrated that people who were instructed to produce certain facial movements and those who were actually recalling a highly emotional experience showed the same psychological response. 

To put it simply, I can feel angry, because I am recalling how it took me 2 months to finish my beautiful puzzle of the Eiffel Tower and only 2 minutes for my dog to completely destroy it. Or I can feel angry just because I wrinkle my brow and have my lips pursed. The emotion I feel in both cases will be the same – displeasure and even anger.

The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology has published other research which showed that the effect of facial expressions on mood is enhanced when we look at ourselves in the mirror. 

Another interesting study showed that if you hold a pencil between your teeth (which will cause you to have a smile grimace on your face) you are more likely to find the cartoons that you are watching, funny.

All this proves that our mood can come from the outside in. It means that by simply changing our facial expression and our posture we can calm down, adjust our attitude or improve our mood almost instantly.

Good body language to practice:

1. Keep your back straight. It is the single most important change in your posture that will have the biggest instant impact on your mood, self-confidence, and attractiveness, while improving your health. However, if you work in front of the computer or spend a long time in your car, you will notice how hard it is to keep your back straight. After a few minutes your body starts to relax and it starts slouching. This is why while surfing the internet at your desk or driving in the car sit with your hips and back firmly against the chair (your tailbone should touch the back of the chair and your knees should be slightly higher than your hips). If you find it difficult to stay against the back of the chair, place a pillow to support your lower back. Do not collapse your chest but lift it forward and up.

Use an armrest whenever you have the chance to reduce stress on the upper body and neck. And remove everything from your back pockets. Avoid crossing your legs too often as it can put a sideways curve to your spine, decrease blood circulation in your legs and make you feel somewhat defensive. 

When you are standing up, it is easy to check if you are keeping your back straight. Your ears, shoulders, hips, knees, and ankles should make a straight line.

2. Hold your head up. Your head should feel like it is in a ‘neutral’ position, balanced with little effort. Imagine that the top of your head is connected to a floating balloon and it is gently pulling you upward and lengthening your spine. When you sit in front of the computer, make sure that you see the screen easily without bending your neck down or leaning forward. 

3. Keep your feet a comfortable distance apart. If your legs are too close or too far apart it usually communicates lack of self-confidence. Ideally when standing your legs should be a little less than shoulder width apart. It is ok to shift  from time to time from one foot to another, just make sure to distribute your weight evenly; otherwise you will throw your spine out of alignment.

4. Relax your face. Most of us carry stress in our faces. Tensing your jaw, brow or forehead activates the muscles in your neck and shoulders and creates further tension in the whole body. This is why good personal trainers always remind you to relax your face during a workout. A small study published by the Journal of Dermatologic Surgery reported that a cosmetic procedure which paralyzed muscles between the eyebrows and prevented people from frowning was twice as effective in decreasing the symptoms of depression as most anti-depressants.

Your face reflects your approach to life. If your face is relaxed and your posture is straight, you will instantly be perceived by other people as more likeable, friendly and attractive. And it has nothing to do with your level of good looks. The most beautiful face in the world will not be pleasing with pursed down turned lips, tensed jaw and a sour expression.

5. Smile. Whenever we have a bright genuine smile on our face our body is sending a message to our brain, saying “Life is GOOD!” Guess what happens next? Our brain releases ‘feel good’ hormones, called endorphins into our blood and we start feeling happier and more energized. If you are still unconvinced about the benefits of a smile, listen to this – smiling lifts the face and makes us look younger, friendlier, more confident and more attractive.

A smile draws people in, just like frowns and scowls push them away. And the greatest thing is that it takes around 50 muscles to frown and only 17 muscles to smile! So make it easy on yourself – no matter what you mood is, relax your face and smile!

And if all these tips do not work and you still feel down, try the secret instant mood improvement trick. Take a pencil and put it between your teeth, just like they did in one of the experiments. Than take a look at yourself in the mirror. I have tried it. Works like a charm!

Even though the importance of non-verbal communication has grown rapidly over the last few decades and it is now widely used in media, business, interpersonal relationships, education and politics many people still pay little attention to non-verbal messages and body signals, concentrating mostly on words.

It is one of the biggest misconceptions to think that what is being said is more important than how it is being said. In reality only 7% of information is sent through words, the remaining 93% of communication is non-verbal. If you fail to read and de-code non-verbal messages you set yourself up for constant misunderstandings and various communication problems.

I am sure that you have heard the expression, “Their actions speak louder than words” before. This is very true, because:

• In many situations people tend to hide their feelings behind carefully chosen words. A non-verbal message is a subconscious response of the body. Therefore, it can not be easily controlled and is likely to be more genuine.
• As words have limitations, non-verbal communication is more effective in situations where a person has to explain shapes, directions, inner feelings and personalities.
• Non-verbal signals serve to make the message more powerful and convincing. Try to convince or motivate another person into doing a certain task while keeping your face expression, gestures and tone of voice unanimated. No matter what you say, you will not be able to sound convincing, or motivating.
• If a message is too emotional or too complex a separate non-verbal communication channel is needed to transmit this message correctly.
• Non-verbal communication helps to clarify misunderstanding and avoid possible communication barriers.

Non-verbal communication is not just body language, gestures or facial expressions as many people mistakenly think. (more…)