Every person has their unique, natural, God-given talents, positive traits of character and desire to contribute to the world in some way. Sometimes this inner goodness is temporary overshadowed by fears, harsh words and painful past experiences.

But it does not mean we should not try to see past people’s actions and limiting beliefs and try to bring out the best in every person we see.

I know, it is not your job, nor your duty to bring the best out in people, but take it from me it is a lot nicer to live in a world of bright, kind-hearted and compassionate people than deal with “ungrateful family members”, “hard-headed clients” and “slack co-workers”.

In fact, learning to bring out the best in other people is one of the best gifts that you can give yourself. True, it might not always be easy. It might not always be appreciated. It might not even work in some cases, but it does not mean we should stop trying.

Here is a little guide on how to do it:

1. Do not take negativity personally.

“Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach it.” – Rene Descartes

Can you think of a time when you were bubbling with joy and love for the whole world? You wanted to share it with everyone you met, right? Well, when people are overcome by negative feelings, they unintentionally share them with the world as well.

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Let me tell you a story…

In 1904 Claude Monet exhibited one of his remarkable paintings called “Houses of Parliament”. Monet had tried to capture an image of the Palace of Westminster overlooking the Thames in the early morning. If you look at it, the detail that will catch your eye right away is the color of the fog. It is purple!

When Monet showed his painting to the world, many art critics talked about the interesting vision of the artist or about the original choice of colors that he had used. But the true shock came a few days later when the people of London left their houses early in the morning and to their great surprise saw what they had never noticed before – the sun rays coming through fog had, indeed, made it look purple!

Before Monet’s painting, people looked at the same fog almost every day as they went to work, but most of them only now saw truly it for the first time. Their perception of reality had changed overnight, because of one single person who painted ‘by impression’, not by what he had been taught.

If you think about it, our reality is not something that objectively exists. It is woven from thousands of perceptions. We believe certain things, because at some point in our lives we have accepted them as true. NOT because they ARE a true reflection of reality.

I have a question for you… Have you ever talked to a person and just had a gut feeling that they were lying to you? Or when you were telling yourself a story, you could not get rid of the feeling that you are not being honest with yourself? What did it feel like?

I know that when I hear a lie I feel uneasy, upset, embarrassed or even angry. I believe that we all have a built-in lie detector that stirs up a whole range of negative emotions when we hear something that is not true.

Now let me ask you another question… How did you feel when someone put you down or told you that you could not do something? I am going to take a guess and say that you felt uneasy, upset, embarrassed or angry. Do you know why? Because your intuition was signaling to you that you had been told a LIE.

There are no Universal beauty or ugliness standards. There are no set limits for the amount of wealth and material possessions that a person should have, to be considered “rich” or “poor”. There are no IQ test or intelligence levels that make one person superior to another in the eyes of God.

We, ourselves, create these standards and put labels on ourselves and those around us. And we often ignore the fact that every single judgment that is made is just someone else’s point of view. Not the absolute truth.

When we are born, we do not have an opinion about who we are, what an ideal body should look like and what is possible or impossible for us to achieve. We learn all these opinions later in life and we accept them as truths.

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This weekend I had a very frustrating incident. As I was getting into a taxi, the driver got distracted and started driving off without checking if I had closed the door. Can you imagine my shock when I had one leg inside the car and the car suddenly started moving? I literally jumped inside, but my ankle still got caught in the door. Besides an ugly bruise I got a piece of the driver’s mind about how long it takes for SOME people to get into a car. No “I’m sorry!” No “Are you ok?” Nothing! I am usually good at controlling my temper, but this time all I could think of was how much I want to smack this rude man and give him a piece of my mind about his manners.

Do you often let a rude taxi driver, an uncaring boss, an insensitive co-worker or an arrogant stranger ruin your day? Have you ever wondered why sometimes people purposely say or do mean things?

I could come up with 4 main reasons:

a) They try to overcompensate for their hurt Ego. Someone has hurt them in the past when they felt especially vulnerable and now they are trying to regain their power and self-confidence by hurting you.

b) They secretly fear that they have the same quality that they are making fun of. For example, if a person makes derogatory remarks about someone being overweight, they are most likely insecure about their own body and are afraid that people will notice it too.

c) They are deeply attached to their sufferings and failures. As weird as it may seem, many people refuse to let go of their negativity, because it brings some drama into their life and gives them something to worry about.

d) They crave attention and love. Just like teenagers when reaching a difficult age act out of spite to prove their own independence, adults defy social norms to get attention and a strong emotion out of you (even if it is a negative emotion).

How do you respond to mean people?

I have noticed that there are two spontaneous reactions when it comes to dealing with negative people 1) we get mean and rude back or 2) we let them run all over us while boiling inside with righteous indignation. Neither of these options seems particularly attractive.

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