When I was little, my mom got me a strange book. It was a collection of short funny poems by Grigorii Oster called “Harmful Advice”.

The preface read:

“Scientists have recently discovered that there are some misbehaved children in the world, who are set on doing exactly the opposite of what they are told. You tell them to wash their face in the morning – and they make it their resolution to go around face-unwashed. You tell them to greet other people – and they immediately stop saying “Hello”…”

The idea behind the book was pretty simple and very original – to give bad advice and make disobedient children do the opposite – i.e. behave themselves! Talk about reverse psychology used by sneaky parents to morph their little monsters into composed, soft-spoken angels.

Today I met a person who could have probably used a few Harmful Advices when he was little. He seemed to have a rare gift of instantly turning people off. Well, not instantly. But as soon as he started talking…

The sad thing is that deep down he might be a great, interesting, and kind-hearted guy. He just does not let his nicer side show.

This got me thinking, what if I was to give “Harmful Advice” to adults? Maybe for the sheer pleasure of doing something in spite of what they are told, some people would actually stop making negative comments about those around them and bring their own positive qualities to the light?

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I have a weird gift, which sometimes seems more like a curse. No matter how boring or uninteresting the topic of conversation is, I can not just start daydreaming or planning vacation in my mind. People talk, I listen.

This might be a great skill, but part of my problem is that weeks and even months later I remember most of the details that people cared to share with me: their astrological signs, their blood pressure, names of their pets. Sometimes I think that my brain is a huge store of bits and pieces of information (and not all of it can be defined as “useful”).

In general, I enjoy listening to people’s routines, hobbies, children, or their experiences. To me it is like a window into someone else’s life and I appreciate that a person is sharing it with me.

However, at times what is interesting to us, is not necessarily interesting to everyone we talk to. I know that I can talk for hours about psychological experiments, healthy eating, yoga, travelling, motivation, life of successful people, deserts or my niece. So unless you are REALLY interested in discussing these topics, please do not get me started.

I am sure that your too have your favorite topics that you are passionate about, but your enthusiasm and interests might not always be shared by every single person you talk to. That is why it helps to know when to end a conversation or change the topic.

Here are a few signs of boredom that you need to watch out for when talking to people:

1. Responding the same way over and over.

“Really?”, “Right”, “Yeah” “Uh-huh” – these tired replies accompanied with occasional nods, are usually indicators that people are not too engaged in the conversation. They might listen, because good manners are binding them to do so, but they really would like to talk about something else.
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I have a question for you – is there a difference between intentionally hitting your toes on the dinner table leg or your friend pushing you and then hitting your toes on the dinner table?

As it turns out, the later scenario is a lot more painful than the first one.

Psychologists have done numerous experiments and found out two things about pain:

1. It tends to decrease if our body expects it. For example, let’s say that you are running through a wood and are getting slapped by tree branches as you run. The first impulse of pain will be the strongest one, but then your body will adjust to it and the pain signals will decrease to the point where you no longer notice the branches slapping or scratching your skin.

2. It tends to escalate when we believe someone is hurting us on purpose. When we think that someone does something with the intention of hurting us, our pain signals shot through the roof each time we get hurt. We do not get accustomed or learn to ignore this kind of pain.

Just think of the times when you found yourself infuriated or heartbroken because you believed that another person has said or done something to hurt you on purpose (even when this was not true).

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