“I speak two languages, Body and English.” - Mae West.

Body language is universal and the most popular and reliable language in the world. When we communicate our feelings, we get 55% of the information from body language, 38% from the tone of voice and only 7% from actual words.

Without even realizing it, we rely on body signals a lot more than on any verbal messages. For example, if you have watched a little baby, you will have noticed that if they raise the inner ends of their eyebrows it is a sure sign that a second later they will start crying. Or if you see that your boss is talking to one of his employees and your boss’s face is red, his nostrils are flared, his jaw is clenched, his eyebrows have moved inward and downward, and he is fixing a hard stare on the ‘victim’, you will know right away that it is not the best moment to ask for a pay rise.

Unlike verbal communication, body language and facial expressions provide more immediate feedback on another person’s mood, true thoughts and intentions.

Of course, not all of our emotions and thoughts do we actually feel comfortable displaying to others. We often try to hide them behind indifference, sarcasm, and ambiguous phrases, but as Nietzsche said, “One may sometimes tell a lie, but the grimace that accompanies tells the truth”.

A leading expert of Psychology of emotion and non verbal communication Paul Ekman has proved this to be true by discovering microexpressions (if you have seen the new series “Lie to me” you know exactly what I am talking about).

Even the best poker players in the world involuntary reveal their true emotions and thoughts for less than a fraction of a second. Microexpressions can be easily spotted if you record a person’s face and than slow down the video. Because these facial expressions tend to be very extreme and very fast they are invisible to an untrained eye. However, we may perceive them on an unconscious level.

If you have ever taken just one look at a person and immediately knew that you disliked them, the chances are that this person was involuntary displaying negative microexpressions to you. The person may act very friendly, say all the right words to you, flash a bright smile at you, but you will still feel uncomfortable around them. We often chalk it up to intuition or a ‘gut feeling’ when in reality we have based our opinion of the person on their facial microexpressions.

Dr. Ekman and his team have developed special tools: Micro Expression Training Tool (METT) that can improve our ability to spot concealed emotions and The Subtle Expression Training Tool (SETT) to help us identify the first signs if someone is becoming emotional.

Research has demonstrated that about 85% of people can improve their ability to recognize microexpressions in just one hour, just by using Dr. Ekman’s software! However, there is a catch…

Microexpressions can tell you what the person is feeling, but not WHY they are feeling it. For example, your daughter comes home way past the curfew hour and when she starts explaining why is she late, you spot a fear microexpression. She might be afraid that she will be caught in her lie. But she might also be afraid that even though she tells you the truth you will not believe her.

Learning to interpret correctly people’s facial expressions can help us a great deal in our professional and personal life, but it is important to remember that we are not mind readers (well at least most of us are not ). By jumping too quickly to conclusions about why a person is flashing certain emotions, we can actually create even bigger misunderstandings and communication barriers.

Even though the importance of non-verbal communication has grown rapidly over the last few decades and it is now widely used in media, business, interpersonal relationships, education and politics many people still pay little attention to non-verbal messages and body signals, concentrating mostly on words.

It is one of the biggest misconceptions to think that what is being said is more important than how it is being said. In reality only 7% of information is sent through words, the remaining 93% of communication is non-verbal. If you fail to read and de-code non-verbal messages you set yourself up for constant misunderstandings and various communication problems.

I am sure that you have heard the expression, “Their actions speak louder than words” before. This is very true, because:

• In many situations people tend to hide their feelings behind carefully chosen words. A non-verbal message is a subconscious response of the body. Therefore, it can not be easily controlled and is likely to be more genuine.
• As words have limitations, non-verbal communication is more effective in situations where a person has to explain shapes, directions, inner feelings and personalities.
• Non-verbal signals serve to make the message more powerful and convincing. Try to convince or motivate another person into doing a certain task while keeping your face expression, gestures and tone of voice unanimated. No matter what you say, you will not be able to sound convincing, or motivating.
• If a message is too emotional or too complex a separate non-verbal communication channel is needed to transmit this message correctly.
• Non-verbal communication helps to clarify misunderstanding and avoid possible communication barriers.

Non-verbal communication is not just body language, gestures or facial expressions as many people mistakenly think. (more…)