Gossip… Don’t Tell Anyone!
If prostitution is considered “the world’s oldest profession”, then gossip is undoubtedly the oldest way of communication.
Since the beginning of time people have been discussing other people’s personal matters and spreading peculiar “news”.
Religions condemn gossip. Psychologists say that gossiping is part of negative behavior programming. Successful people warn that gossip easily destroys trust and reputation. We witness relationships being ruined every day because of gossip. We suffer the consequences of gossip ourselves.
I am sure that you too are familiar with that nauseous feeling of disappointment and disgust, when you discovered that a person that you liked, has talked badly of you behind your back.
No one likes the idea of gossip, and yet statistics show that 66% of all human communication is gossip.
What makes gossip so attractive? And why are most of us (me being no exception) indulging in that “sinful” behavior on a daily basis?
There are five main reasons why people gossip:
1. “Wow! We are really bonding”.
It is really simple. When two people discuss a third person, it makes them feel closer. Almost like they have committed a little crime together and now they have a secret of their own that they do not want anyone else to discover. Gossiping makes us feel “part of a closed club”, by creating a strange feeling of mutual trust and bonding. Although, the question is do you really want to bond THAT way? Because a person who is gossiping WITH you, will most likely gossip ABOUT you the second you leave.
We like people who bring the best out of us, not the ones who drag us down to their level and make us talk negatively about others.
2. “I will get back at you!”
Often when people do not have enough courage to disagree or express their dissatisfaction with someone or something, they take a detour and complain to those, who cannot do anything about the situation.
It is not exactly the “high road”, but it does make us feel slightly better, because on a subconscious level we are getting even with the person by ruining other people’s opinion about them. There is only one difficulty – complaining to our spouse about an “idiot boss” and to our co-workers about an “ungrateful” spouse does nothing to resolve the conflict. Besides it is a sign of weakness and an unwillingness to face the real problem and resolve it.
3. “Look how great and wonderful I am!”
People who like to gossip often do it, because they lack self-confidence. They make themselves feel worthy by putting other people down. Gossip becomes a twisted sort of self-affirmation.
When your colleague says something like, “Have you seen the new guy from the marketing department? It looks like he has no clue about what he is doing.” What he actually means is, “This guy is not nearly as good and professional as I am”. The reasoning behind such gossip is simple – when everyone becomes incompetent, lazy, and stupid it makes the person spreading the gossip look smart, hardworking and professional.
That is hardly the best way to prove your own worth.
4. “Promise, you won’t tell anyone!”
The excitement of discovering something that no one else knows can be compared only with the thrill of sharing that “top secret” information with another person. For a tiny second it makes us feel superior to all the “non-informed mortals”. This feeling of importance and power is addictive. And soon we may find ourselves walking around telling everyone who is willing to listen to a piece of delicious gossip, previously making them vow that they will not tell anyone.
In one US universities, psychologists spread false information about the upcoming marriage of two students. To the scientists’ surprise surveys afterwards showed that 12% of students not only claimed to have attended the wedding, but also described with great detail the bride’s dress.
By spreading information that you have accidentally overheard from some doubtful source, you run the serious risk of making a fool of yourself.
5. “Why you and not me?!”
The reason behind most gossip about famous or successful people is not curiosity – it is envy. People who are jealous of someone else’s success, good looks or intelligence actively try to find incriminating evidence in everything the subject of their envy says or does. Inability to be happy for someone else’s achievements is a sign of jealousy. Active gloating over other people’s misfortunes is a sign of serious self-esteem problems. Combined together they poison your mind, destroy your health and make everyone around you deeply unhappy.
Advice for a gossip-free life can be put in two short rules:
Rule #1. Never say something negative about a person if you do not know it for sure.
Rule #2. If you are 100% sure then ask yourself, “Why should I talk about it?”
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Tags: Communication, gain trust, gossip advice, how stop gossiping, improve communication skills, reasons for gossip
