I have a question for you – Are you happy? It is not a complicated question. A simple “Yes” or “No” will do just fine. But when we are caught off guard, we usually say something like, “What is happiness anyway?”, “At the moment I am quite satisfied with my life”, “I have a great spouse and 2 wonderful children. What else could I ask for?”

It is not often that I meet people, who respond to this seemingly challenging question with a simple “Yes”. Yesterday however I met a woman like that.

She was radiating joy, peace and happiness. And she was not a spiritual teacher, highly successful business lady or the wife of an oil magnate.

She cooks and serves meals in a tiny Ayurvedic café, located right in the middle of a yoga center. She had brought my food over to me and since at that moment my friend and I were her only clients, she started chatting with us. As it turned out, she does not have a degree, because she got married very early. Her husband died a few years later, leaving her with a young child to look after. And now that her daughter has turned 18 and moved out of the house to study in England, she is left by herself. This woman had every reason to feel lonely, bitter and unsatisfied with her life and yet she was one of the happiest people I have ever seen.

I asked her what her secret is and she just laughed, saying that there is no secret. But the more she talked to me, the more I understood about how she sees life and how she thinks.

If you, like me, are wondering why some people have everything necessary to be happy and yet they are miserable, and why others have absolutely no reason to be happy, yet they radiate love, kindness and peace, here the Simple Guide to Long-Lasting Happiness and Joy from one of the happiest people I have ever met (apply it to your own life and I guarantee that it will work for you as well):

1. Count what counts.

Often when it comes to finding happiness, we base our choices on emotions rather than the desires of our true self. We just kind of choose the next thing we want and then ask ourselves “How can I get it?” But we rarely know the true reason of WHY we pursue something in the first place. The first step to becoming happier and more aware of the core motivation behind your desires, is to shift your focus from what you can get to what adds value to your life.

Ask yourself “What is one intangible thing I can count today (be it at work or at home) that makes my life meaningful?”

For example, for me, my work is not about the amount of money that I make per hour (although, I do have to pay my bills). It is about the difference that I make in my own and other people’s life during that hour of work. I have noticed that the less I focus on “making money”, the better I work and the happier I feel. What about you? What counts in your life?

Hint: it is intangible!

2. Stop chasing after happiness.

In western culture, happiness is perceived as any goal. And therefore, according to our logic it can be achieved with enough persistence and determination. As someone who has taught Goal Setting for over 10 years, I can tell you that it does not work like this. Happiness is not something that we can reach if we do X,Y or Z. It is an inner state of peace, joy, love and gratitude. And since it comes from within, trying to search for it outside of yourself is similar to traveling across the oceans to look for a needle that you have actually lost in your own house.

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I have always loved reading inspirational quotes. Have you?

1. “Know thyself.” — Socrates

2. “This, too, shall pass.” – Persian Sufi proverb

3. “Just do it!” – Nike

In our hectic lives the secret to finding balance and inner peace is often not about what you add to your life. It is about what you take away.

1. Eliminate Watching TV.

2. Eliminate Worry.

3. Eliminate Perfectionism.

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Simplicity… Clarity… Peace of mind… When was the last time we experienced that in our lives? When was the last time we felt truly happy just being in the moment? When our thoughts were not occupied by planning, prioritizing, analyzing or worrying?

There are some days when I just want to step back, close my life, take a long deep breath, and feel tranquility and peace wash over me.

If lately you too have been yearning to bring simplicity and clarity into your life, here are 7 easy steps that will help you to do just that:

1. Get rid of clutter.

I recently stumbled across a funny picture of Albert Einstein who appeared to be looking for something on his extremely messy desk. Below the picture was a quote “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk?” – Albert Einstein.

And although, Einstein’s witty comeback made me smile, an empty desk does not necessarily imply an empty mind. Very rarely does clutter help us think and be more productive (like in the case of Einstein).

Usually it is quite the opposite. Psychologists have noticed that working at a messy desk impedes concentration and noticeably decreases productivity. Just as living in a cluttered house, may drain our energy and negatively affect our mood.

The first step to simplifying your life and to bring peace into your soul is to simplify the space you live and work in. Everything that is old, unneeded, unused, broken or spare needs to go! Be honest with yourself about what you truly need and what you have been holding on to without much thought. You will be surprised how refreshing it feels to reclaim your space back.

2. Get rid of mental clutter.

It is not only our homes and offices that get cluttered. Our minds get overwhelmed too with new ideas, important dates that we need to remember, things we must do and all the “where did I put it?” questions. Our mind works non-stop. Processing. Prioritizing. Remembering…

In reality uncluttering our mind is not that different from organizing our office desk – you bring order into your thinking, by not trying to keep everything in your head. This is what I do to organize my thoughts:

1. Make to-do lists, where I write down important tasks or events that I am afraid to forget.
2. Keep an idea journal for all the good ideas that I might have. I just write it down and take it off my mind.
3. Have “junk-thought” sheet by my computer, where I dump all of those negative, meaningless and distracting thoughts that keep cycling over and over, junking up my mind! Sometimes I can fill up the whole page in 15 minutes, with all those random thoughts that come to my mind. But after I am done, I always feel much more focused.

For some reason writing your thoughts down works like magic when you are trying to calm an overly agitated mind and gain clarity.

3. Separate your family from your professional life.

When we have to sacrifice our family time in order to finish an important project – we feel guilty. Whenever we are spending time with our family and think about how much we need to get done – we feel anxious. In any case life gets complicated, because you are not focusing 100% on work and you are not really being with your family. Keep your professional life separate from your personal life. When you are at work – work, when you are with your family – enjoy it to the fullest! And you will see how much simpler life gets.

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“Most people think resources or the lack thereof hold them back. In fact it is not lack of resources but rather lack of resourcefulness that truly prevents people from achieving their dreams” -Anthony Robbins

Usually when we do not reach our goals there are several key factors that we name to explain our “failures”: lack of money, lack of experience, lack of time, lack of necessary technology, and lack of support. This is true. Many of us may lack all these things, BUT! There is a “but”…

We can acquire anything we want, given a little bit of creativity and determination.

If you think about it, there is plenty of money to go around. Ask Bill Gates if you have doubts about it. He will tell you.
There is also no such thing as lack of time. We have all been given the same number of hours a day. And it is up to us to decide how to use these 24 hours. Take Barak Obama, for example. He is a very busy person. There is no doubt about it. And, yet, he finds the time to exercise regularly. After this it becomes almost embarrassing to use lack of time as an excuse to postpone our health goals. Because let’s face it, neither of us can claim that we are busier or have more important tasks on our to-do list than the president of the United States.

We may believe that we lack resources, but I tend to agree with Antony Robbins -lack of resources is not a defining factor to whether or not we will accomplish anything in life. The defining factor is our resourcefulness. If you are creative, determined and resourceful enough, you will find a way to achieve your goals no matter what.

However, there are several obstacles that can stop us from being resourceful:

1. Fear.

Fear’s main function is to protect us from harm and help to escape dangerous situations. However, this protection mechanism that helped our ancestors to survive in the past has become one of the main blocks to resourcefulness for most of us.

• Every time we have doubts about starting our own business or learning a new skill, because it may prove not to be a worthy investment, we act out of fear.
• Every time we turn down a new opportunity, because there is some risk involved, we act out of fear.
• Every time we do not ask for help, because we are afraid to look “weak”, “foolish” or “inadequate”, we act out of fear.

I wish I could tell you that there is a hidden “fear switch” that you can turn on and off whenever you wish.

Unfortunately, there is only one effective method to overcome our fears – do more of what we fear.

You might have started something in the past and it did not work out the way you initially planned. This happens to the best of us. Every person has their own personal baggage of failures, mistakes and set-backs. But it is not a good enough reason to stop trying!

2. Social conditioning.

It is hard to be resourceful and believe that everything is possible, when we are constantly told what we can or cannot do, when we are politely pointed out our shortcomings and past failures, or when we are taught that success is for the very few, who have been born under a lucky star, or more specifically into a wealthy family. All this negative social conditioning creates our inner blocks that hold us back, even when we could have been moving forward.

Do not accept blindly everything that you are told. There is a huge difference between constructive feedback and negative conditioning. The first one motivates you into improving something about yourself or your life. The second one makes you feel unworthy, helpless and inadequate.

3. Lack of self-confidence.

There are plenty of resources up there. The problem is that many people do not believe that they deserve them. They dream about what they love to do, but when it comes to planning or going after those dreams, they do not even bother. A little voice inside of them says “There is no way YOU can do it”. You might be telling yourself that you do not deserve success, because you lack talent, self-confidence, education or will power.

But the truth is that success is not some kind of reward given for being a “perfect son/daughter”, an “A” student or “employee of the month”. Success is a result of aligning your passion, energy and your goals together. It starts with finding out what you want to do and gathering courage to go after your dreams.

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“We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.” ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

“Just be yourself!”- is such an obvious statement. What can be easier than that? And yet the first thought that comes to mind is “Can’t you, please, be more specific?”

We are so used to changing masks, playing our social roles, adapting to other people and circumstances that most of us no longer understand where the real us is and when “us” is acting. We know how to act to be a leader – you guide, manage and educate those who depend on you. We know what it means to be a good employee – you show up to work on time, invest your time, skills and abilities to help the company grow and prosper. We have a pretty good idea about what being a wonderful spouse or a great parent means.

But how are you supposed to act when your only task is to be yourself?

If you are unsure how to answer this question, here are 9 suggestions that will help you to stay true to yourself.

1. Get to know yourself better.

If you need to fill every second of your day with some kind of activity, if you believe that any reason is good enough to go out instead of sitting at home, if you get bored by yourself – it all means just one thing – you have not got to know yourself well enough.
It is close to impossible to be yourself, when you do not know who you are or understand what you want! Take time to get to know yourself better! After all you are the only person who you will spend every day of your life with.

2. Develop your individuality.

Sometimes we copy other people’s actions or adapt to their beliefs, because it seems like the easiest way to fit in and be accepted. But it is also the easiest way to lose your unique individuality that makes people want to get to know you better. Why blend in with the surroundings and be just like everyone else, when you can actually stand out?
We all have our unique individuality. After all that is why we are called individuals, not primates. Whether you love to walk on the beach while it is raining or cannot stand the smell of beer, do not be afraid to share it with others! That is what makes you interesting and attracts others to you!

3. Do not snub the “popular” stuff.

When I was a teenager, every time I heard the phrase, “It is very popular right now” I automatically assumed that it was stupid, shallow and pointless. I did not listen to Backstreet Boys, because 99% of my classmates were constantly listening to them. I decided I did not like Leonardo di Caprio just because all the girls of my age were in love with him. I guess I just did not want to like something or someone simply because everyone else does. I wanted to be different. Unique. Invincible to social influence. Now when I think about it, it actually makes me laugh. Thinking that you are too cool to get in the trend is just as silly as wanting something because everyone else has it /likes it. Do not snub the popular stuff just because it labeled as “popular” or “trendy”. Take time to figure out what it is that you like! This is way more original!

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“Realistic is the most commonly travelled road to mediocrity” – Will Smith

When a little boy says “I want to be an astronaut” – we smile at him and say, “Sure, honey, you can be anything you want to be!” When a twenty five year old man makes the same statement, we say, “Hey, be realistic!” Which basically means, “settle for something that brings you no satisfaction, just because you know you can get it”.

What happened in the 15 years that made a perfectly capable human-being turn into perfectly incapable grown-up, whose only choice in life is to get a degree in a highly- demanding field, find a regular job, work 30 + years and hopefully save enough money for retirement? It is as if in the course of our adulthood years instead of perfecting our skills, tripling our IQ, gaining valuable experience we are somehow getting dumber and less talented.

Common sense would suggest that if we could have accomplished everything we wanted at the age of 5, we are even more capable of doing it at the age of 25 or 50.

And since you and I are sensible people, let’s forget about the most depressing, demotivating, dream-killing cliché’s of our time to “be realistic” and go for something that we actually want and can accomplish!

Here are 9 ways to start achieving unrealistically realistic success:

1. Readjust your goals. When I first voiced my idea about quitting a regular job and starting my own website I got “worried” looks, ironic remarks and I was warned at least 700 times that it is a “crazy idea that is not going to work”. Now when I explain to people what I do I am told how lucky I am.

I honestly do not believe that success starts or is based on luck, intelligence, determination or some extraordinary talents. It starts with a big vision that is worth working for.

Take a look at your goal.

• Is it motivating?
• Is it inspiring?
• Is it the greatest goal ever?

If not, than perhaps you have made it too realistic. Psychological research shows that challenging goals lead to increased motivation and improved performance. It makes sense – the bigger the goal is, the more strongly we want to achieve it.

2. Think differently. If you do whatever everyone else is doing you will get the same results as everyone else is getting. Which is fine if this is what you want, but if you feel that you could do more/ be more/ achieve more, why settling for less?

All of the greatest discoveries, multi-billion dollar companies and break through- accomplishments were done by people, who thought differently from the rest of the world and were not afraid to put their vision into action.

3. Ignore the “realistic dudes”. They say that you should not go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Just as you should not ask a person who has achieved very little, advice on success. Before listening to “kind-hearted” advice to give up on your goals or think smaller, consider this – most people who claim to “be realistic” spend 95% of their time worrying about things that will never happen.

There is a huge difference between having your feet firmly on the ground and making Murphy’s Law “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong” your life credo. Do not let the “realistic dudes” dampen your self-confidence and prevent you from going after your goals. Listen to yourself! You already know all the right answers!

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Usually successful people are praised for their talents, incredible persistence, unbending will-power, high self-confidence, brilliant intelligence and inexhaustible creativity. There is a possibility that just one person can possess all these wonderful and obvious qualities. But I sincerely do not think that ALL successful people are these “god-like” creatures who do not make mistakes or have bad days, like the rest of us mortals.

In fact, my experience shows otherwise. I have been fortunate to meet many highly successful people (some of them are my good friends) and I can tell you that at a first glance they seem no different from me or you. (and, yes, successful people have unproductive days and family arguments, just like everyone else).

But if you look closer you will notice that there are a few things that most successful people intuitively do right. You will never hear them talk about it, because I do not think the majority of them even realize that they are taking these actions.

It is actually funny, but most famous people achieve success first and then assume that they must have done it, because of their unstoppable determination and bright mind.

If you want to be successful, stop comparing your personal qualities with the list of “The top 20 traits of successful people”! You only set yourself up for disappointment and self-esteem problems.

Instead concentrate your efforts on doing just these 5 ridiculously easy things:

1. Do an extra 1%.

In business to gain total control of a company it is not enough to have more stakes than any other stake holder. You need 51%. In politics 1% preponderance determines the future of a whole country. Similar, when your odds for success or failure are equal, it is often 1% of your effort, your attitude, and your determination that makes a difference.

Do you remember a task that you did not have time for, but you managed to do anyway? Or when you were on the verge of giving up, but you persisted a little bit longer? Or the time when you wanted to roll your eyes and slam the door in your boss’s face but you clung to the last note of patience and, therefore, avoided an open argument? This one percent of extraordinary effort often manifests in ordinary situations.

If on a daily basis you manage to: do something a little better, resist the temptation to “throw in the towel” a little longer, try a little harder not to jump to conclusions about what other people are or are not– I promise you that you WILL become successful.

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“Your chances of success in any undertaking can always be measured by your belief in yourself.” – Robert Collier

Doubting yourself or your own abilities and skills, having to put up with derogatory remarks every day, spending most of your efforts on proving to everyone that you are worthy can be very frustrating (to put it mildly). Ironically, being aware about your lack of self-confidence, does not make you feel any better about yourself.

But it does not have to be this way!

Here is the second part of the 24 amazing tips that will help you boost your self-confidence, break free from the self-pity and self-doubt cycle, take control of your life back, and gain the respect and support of others:

13. Count your blessings

Self-doubts and worries attract negative events and failures into your life. The best way to stop the flow of self-destructive thoughts is to switch your focus from what you do not have – to everything that you have been blessed with. Believe me, there is always something to be grateful for: your health, your parents, your children, a roof over your head, your job. Many people do not have even that much!

14.  Contribute to others

Knowing that your experience, knowledge and skills can serve other people is an empowering thought. The momentyou start helping others, you stop viewing yourself as a victim of circumstances. You realize that you hold the power to make someone else’s life a little easier and a little better. Just make sure that you offer your help, because you want to, not because you expect gratitude or a favor in return!

15. Refrain from judging

Judging someone is nothing else than a subconscious attempt to boost your self-esteem by putting other people down. Your own lack of self-confidence and self doubts could be the direct result of someone judging you in the past. You know how terrible it feels when another person tries to compensate for their hurt ego by making other people feel miserable. So why be that person?

16. Do not jump to conclusions

Neurological studies show that we rarely make decisions completely rationally and objectively. 90% of the time the conclusions that we make are based on bits and pieces of information that we can interpret differently depending on our mood, our past experiences, our background and our self-esteem. Keep that in mind and base your judgments on facts, rather than presentiments! If someone is frowning, it does not necessarily mean that they dislike you or that YOU did something wrong. Similar, if the last time you did not follow through with your goal, it does not mean that you are hopeless and will fail every goal that you set.

17. Stop comparing yourself with others

They say that a troubled mind tends to compare two entirely different things. You might be doing the same thing… If you take the strengths of others and compare them to your weaknesses – the result will always be unsatisfactory. Do not intentionally put yourself down. The only relevant parameter of your growth and progress is the difference between how you were last week and how you are today!

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