Arina's Self Help Blog
Subscribe

Motivation

Carrots, Sticks and Better Ways to Boost Your Motivation

carrot on the stick 300x186 Carrots, Sticks and Better Ways to Boost Your Motivation“People don’t change their behavior unless it makes a difference for them to do so.” - Fran Tarkenton
Motivation is the driving force behind most of our actions. It is a reason why we get up in the morning. Why we drive to work five days a week even if we do not enjoy it. Why we set goals and why we keep on moving forward.
Motivation is that one factor that often makes a difference between long-awaited success and an untimely failure. Our productivity, determination, leadership qualities, achievements, enthusiasm and self-esteem largely depends on our ability to motivate ourselves and others.
Understanding your motivation.
To put it simply, we take any kind of conscious action for two reasons: 1) because we feel like doing it or 2) because we have to do it. The first type of motivation is called intrinsic, the second – extrinsic. Intrinsic motivation is internal and deeply personal. We do something, for no other reason than the inner sense of enjoyment and fulfillment. In other words, we act because we truly want to!
Intrinsic motivation is stimulated by curiosity, challenge, adventure, personal interests, duty and desire.
Extrinsic motivation, on the other hand, is rooted outside the person and based on two basic external drives: seek pleasure (reward) and avoid pain (punishment).  Extrinsic motivation is stimulated by incentives, fear, outside circumstances (peer pressure, competition), deadlines and social approval.
Whenever you start doing any task, take a moment to reflect what your primary motivators are.
Discovering your intrinsic motivators:
• Are you looking forward to doing this task? Is it related to your hobbies or interests in some way?
• Do you find it challenging, but interesting?
• Are you motivated by an inner sense of duty or your core values? Do you feel that you must do your best, because it would not feel right to do a so-so job?
• Do you feel that the accomplishment of the task will bring you inner satisfaction and fulfillment?
Discovering your extrinsic motivators:
• Are there any financial benefits involved in doing this task?
• Is there any type of fear that holds you back and makes you procrastinate (fear of failure, fear of social disapproval)?
• Do you feel that you would work bester if you had a clear deadline?
• Are you looking forward to some kind of acknowledgement or appraisal for your work?
Combining both types of motivation in an optimum way.
Both types of motivation are not mutually exclusive. In order to achieve maximum results with minimal efforts, there are must be a balance between your levels of extrinsic and intrinsic motivation.

SOLVED: How To Stick To Your New Year’s Resolutions

NY resolutions 201x300 SOLVED: How To Stick To Your New Year’s ResolutionsFor many of us January is one month of the year when we reflect on what we would like to change in our life, set goals, start new projects, decide to let go of negative habits and improve our character. I honestly believe that if we all managed to keep the same level of motivation, excitement and determination as we have in January, for the rest year, we would not need to read books about overcoming procrastination or staying focused on our goals.

Unfortunately, February comes and our enthusiasm and commitment wears thin. We find ourselves slowly slipping back to our old habits and old lifestyle. And finally, after about a month-and-a-half we throw our hands up in the air and declare, “Forget about it! It is too hard”. Then, of course, we wait for the next year to try again. :)

This year can be different!

Here are ten top tips to help you stick to your New Year’s resolutions throughout the rest of the year:

1.    Have realistic expectations. In the best tradition of the  holiday season, when we decide to pursue a certain goal, we often overestimate our future level of motivation and productivity and underestimate possible implications that we might encounter on our way. Do not expect to see immediate results of your efforts. Miracles do happen, but only to people who are willing to wait for them! Keep that in mind when you set deadlines for your goals.

Solution: Imagine that my New Year’s resolution is very similar to yours. How long do you think it will take me to reach this goal, given that I have a full time job, two young children that I have to pick up after school and a Salsa Class on Wednesdays and Fridays? So what is your verdict? Most likely, this is the same deadline you should consider for yourself. It has been proven that we are a lot better at making estimations for other people than for ourselves.

2. Pick just one goal. I know that it might be tempting to go after one career-related goal, one personal life goal, one health goal, one self-improvement goal and top that all off with a three-week vacation, a great book that you are dying to write and Japanese language courses that you always wanted to take. Have you ever tried juggling with 3-7 tennis balls? Try it. I bet you, that you will drop at least two balls on your first try. Juggling with 3-7 goals is no different. You will give up on all of them before you know it.

Solution: Prioritize. Choose just one resolution that is the most important to you at the moment and fully concentrate your efforts on it. The rest of the resolutions on your list can wait.

(more…)

9 Creative Ways to Boost Your Learning Skills

improve intelligence and creativity 300x196 9 Creative Ways to Boost Your Learning Skills“Everyone is a genius at least once a year. A real genius has his original ideas closer together.”- Georg C. Lichtenberg

Have you ever wondered why most genial ideas, breathtaking poems and break-through discoveries are written on dinner napkins, ticket stubs, paper scraps and the palms of the hand?

It seems that genius often appears in the least expected places and the most inappropriate times. Think of the last time you had a brilliant idea or found a spontaneous solution to a problem that you had been struggling with for a long time. Where were you at that moment? In the shower? Cooking? Going down the steps? Or talking to a friend about a completely different topic?

The latest neurological research has made a few very intriguing discoveries. First of all, scientists believe that breakthroughs, insights or “aha” moments happen when the right hemisphere of our brain (called also intuitive/creative brain) is activated.

Secondly, research also indicates that in most people   the left hemisphere is dominant which is responsible for analytical step-by-step thought. For example, if your right hand is dominant it would most likely mean that you rely on your rational brain more than on your creativity and lateral thinking. And while it may serve you well in some situations, you can benefit hugely from increasing your right brain activity.

Here are 9 easy-to-do activities that you can practice in order to boost your creativity and improve your learning skills:

1. Meditate. Recent studies have made a fascinating discovery – our intelligence depends directly on the efficiency of communication between the left and right hemispheres of the brain. What does it have to do with meditation? As it turns out meditation is one of the most effective ways to balance our rational and creative thinking and increase bilateral activity in the mind. Meditation also improves our learning ability and retention of information.

(more…)

What Is Thinking Block and How To Overcome It

thinking block 201x300 What Is Thinking Block and How To Overcome ItEveryone has an idea of what writer’s block is. I am familiar with this problem first hand. You sit there… staring at a blank word document and it stares back at you. Your mind tells you – “Write something!”, “Anything!” So you write some banality that starts with “Everyone needs motivation in life”. And your brain screams, “No! Delete it before someone sees it! No one wants to read THIS.” So you are back where you started – a white void, where all great ideas die, before being born.

You might not have experienced writer’s block. But I am sure that at some point you have had to deal with imagination or thinking block. Do you know that feeling – a complete brain hiccup where all of a sudden you just cannot come up with a decent answer or solution to a problem, because your mind goes blank?

Following Murphy’s Law – great spontaneous solutions rarely come to us when we are thinking intensely about them. Quite the opposite, the harder we try the more feel confused and frustrated.

Why?

As it turns out, it all has to do with the way our brain works. It can either process information in an intuitive and spontaneous way, while looking at the whole picture or it can process the data in an analytical and sequential way, looking first at the pieces then putting them together to get the whole. It all depends on which hemisphere of the brain is more engaged while thinking. After numerous experiments neurologists have found that the left hemisphere of our brain is responsible for logical thinking, while the right hemisphere is for creative and lateral thinking.

Most people use left-side thinking or think “rationally” a lot more than they use the right side of the brain. You might be wondering what is wrong with thinking rationally and relying on your analytical skills.

Nothing. Unless you over use them. Health care professionals report that left hemisphere strokes are a lot more common and more dangerous than right hemisphere strokes. It may be a signal that we work our rational mind into a blowout.

Sense versus Sensibility.

Contrary to what we would expect, relying heavily on our logical brain might not always be the best way to solve complicated problems or make the right decisions in our professional and personal life.

(more…)

5 Simple Ways to Overcome the Temptation to Give Up

temptation to give up1 184x300 5 Simple Ways to Overcome the Temptation to Give UpI almost did not write this article today. I woke up later than usual and just felt like doing nothing. Do you ever get into a lazy mood, when you just do not feel like working, or jogging in the morning, or cooking dinner, or doing the laundry, or being a parent?

I think that we all have these days for various reasons:

  1. our body can be exhausted because we pushed it too hard the day before;
  2. our mind can be tired because we kept worrying about something that we had no control of;
  3. or our emotions can reach their peak and then go into “I don’t care” mode for a while.

But whatever our reasons are, these days cost us 8 hours of unproductive work, fights with our family and friends and a temporary loss of control over our life. But the worst thing is that they often become catalysts for our failures.

Have you set a goal and failed to achieve it? Could you recall why? In my case it often started with a simple decision “I really don’t feel like doing it today. I will just do it tomorrow.” Guess what? In most cases I did not do it the next day… and I had a good reason not to do it the next day… and then after a week of “good reasons” I would finally realize how much I have fallen behind and accept my defeat.

The process of achieving your goals is just like walking on a treadmill. It is easy to set the machine in motion and choose a pace that you are comfortable with. Getting back on track after a long pause is similar to trying to jump onto a treadmill that keeps on moving. Not only do you need to worry about not falling flat on your face, you  also need to make an enormous effort to regain the speed.

Next time you get in the lazy mood do the following:

1. Admit to yourself that you are making excuses. Next time the appealing idea of postponing something until tomorrow crosses your mind – do not fight it! Instead ask yourself how realistic is it that you will do it tomorrow? Can you recall the last time you skipped a work-out and felt more inspired to do it the next day? Inspiration, just like good luck, or success is not something you can book in advance by making a simple phone call. It is something that comes to you AFTER you start doing the work.

Be honest with yourself! Accept excuses for what they are – logical explanations that your mind comes up with to justify your lack of desire to do something. When you stop looking for justification you will be able to make conscious decisions about what is best for you.

(more…)

5 Classic Inspirational Videos from Youtube

Here’s my top five motivational classics from Youtube. I cry every time I watch them.

#1 Free Hugs Campaign

(more…)

Why Do You Have To Run Out Of Excuses Soon?

Harold S. Kushner wrote a wonderful book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” as a reaction to personal tragedy – his son Aaron died prematurely. This book is dedicated to anyone “who has been hurt by life”, to help people find a faith that can aid them in getting through their troubles, rather than making things worse.
Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to us?
I have. I can not say that I have figured out the answer to this question. I guess I am just not wise enough to understand God’s ways. But I am sure about one thing – every event, every situation, every problem or opportunity always has a cause.
In our case we always have two choices:
1. We can either believe that “things just happen to you” and attribute that cause to an external event (like bad economy, controlling parents, insensitive spouse, stupid boss and even a damn dog)
2. Or we can view ourselves as a cause of events and accept full responsibility for everything that happens in our life, no matter if it is good or bad.
The first option does carry more appeal in the short-term perspective. After all it is easy to think that everything that happens to us is not our fault. It is easy to play the role of a victim and receive an affectionate pat on the shoulder, together with a sympathetic smile and the advice to “cheer up”.
However, in the long-term perspective blaming someone or something for your misfortunes is a dangerous thing to do. As soon as you become a victim of circumstance you have only three options:
Run from your troubles
Hide from them
Submissively accept them and suffer the consequences
None of the three options sounds particularly inspiring, do they? Being a victim is not easy. It comes at a price of a lot of emotional, physical and mental pain.
Accepting responsibility for everything good and bad that happens to you, may be also at first a hard pill to swallow. But it is the only way to gain control of your life, turn your bad luck around, stop being seen as a failure and gain other people’s respect and admiration.
How do you see your life?
Do you believe that you can change yourself and circumstances? Or do you often feel powerless and trapped in your own problems and negative situations?
Do you want to create and contribute to something bigger than yourself? Or are you concentrated on just getting by and providing for your family?
Do you feel comfortable with being who you are? Or do you have a strong need to make other people like you?
Do you consider yourself an optimistic person? Or do you prefer to prepare yourself for the worst possible outcome to avoid feeling disappointed if things do not work out?
Do you have long term goals and a clear vision of what your future should be like? Or do you prefer not to plan ahead, because your plans never come true?
And most the important question to ask yourself is do you consider the Universe a friendly place? Or do you believe that you have to struggle for that little bit happiness that life might give you?
Life is neither a continuous vacation nor is it a struggle, but our thinking makes it so.
If you are tired of worrying what another day may bring you… if the thought that other people pity you gives you goose bumps… if you do not want to live in fear and uncertainty any more… if you are fed up with other people making important decisions for you…
It is time to let go of all the excuses and take back control of your life.
Here are 3 steps you can take to do just that:
Accept that you are the only person responsible for your life. I know that it is already hard enough to accept responsibility for the problems that we have brought on ourselves, not to mention the situations that we could not predict or control.
The truth is that you may do everything right, think all the right thoughts, be a wonderful caring person and you may still have to face difficulties and obstacles on your way. But unless you start to think of yourself as the only cause of everything that happens and does not happen in your life, you will not be able to change anything.
Focus on solutions, not on problems. Finding an event or a person at fault does nothing to resolve a problem. Instead of pointing fingers, dwelling on your misfortunes, or torturing yourself with a question “Why me?!” concentrate your thoughts on finding a solution and changing the situation. It is a much better use of your energy.
Learn your lessons. Psychologists all over the world keep discovering evidence that problems are the strongest motivator to our personal growth. When everything is fine, we tend to relax and just enjoy it. But only by facing challenges can we discover what we are made of and go past our limits.
The best way to deal with your problems is learn from them. There is always a lesson behind every obstacle. Our only task is to understand it.
Wise people say that if a certain event happens just one time in our life, it can be considered an accident. An event that happened twice is a coincidence. But if the same situation is repeated several times it becomes normality.
What is the problem that continues to arise in your life? Usually we repeat certain actions, until they become hard-wired in our brain and then turn into patterns of behavior. Since we continue to repeat the same actions, we habitually find ourselves having to face the same problems. Until we make a conscious effort to change our counter-productive behavior, let go of old excuses and learn from our mistakes, we will keep getting the same results.

excuses 300x211 Why Do You Have To Run Out Of Excuses Soon?Harold S. Kushner wrote a wonderful book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” as a reaction to personal tragedy – his son Aaron died prematurely. This book is dedicated to anyone “who has been hurt by life”, to help people find a faith that can aid them in getting through their troubles, rather than making things worse.

Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to us?

I have. I can not say that I have figured out the answer to this question. I guess I am just not wise enough to understand God’s ways. But I am sure about one thing – every event, every situation, every problem or opportunity always has a cause.

In our case we always have two choices:

1. We can either believe that “things just happen to you” and attribute that cause to an external event (like bad economy, controlling parents, insensitive spouse, stupid boss and even a damn dog)

2. Or we can view ourselves as a cause of events and accept full responsibility for everything that happens in our life, no matter if it is good or bad.

(more…)

Confessions Of A Former Speedaholic

Hi! My name is Arina and I am a former speedaholic!

Being impatient by nature I love speed, instant gratification and ‘quick fixes’. I love modern technology for making my life easier and some tedious home chores much more tolerable. I enjoy high speed internet, fast cars, planes that can get me faster to my destination point and phone calls that are short and right to the point.  Because the more time I save, the more I can get done. A second here, a second there and you have got yourself a whole extra minute!
I am sure you know what I mean…
I was convinced that the fast way is the only way to go, because, let’s face it, life is short and time is money.
However, something really strange happened to me two weeks ago. I had a private Italian language lessons at 3:30 p.m. at a friend’s house. I was so busy writing that I completely lost track of time. When I left the house it was already 3:20 p.m. I walked as fast as I could the whole way, looking at my watch every 30 seconds and feeling very anxious, because I hate to make other people wait. I finally got to her house 15 minutes late, feeling out of breath, stressed out and guilty all at the same time.
Two days later I had to go to another lesson again. Only this time I decided to leave early. I left home at 3:05 sharp and I walked slowly enjoying the warm sunny day. I walked past a beautiful park, really noticing for the first time a little old wind mill that was probably brought there as a piece of decoration. I watched how a little two-year old broke into a sprint as soon as his grandfather let him get out of his baby carriage. And when the poor man finally realized what had happened the kid had gotten himself a good 200 yards upper hand. I finally looked at my watch only when I was right in front of my friend’s house. It was 3:15 p.m!
It took me only ten minutes to get to her house, when the last time it had taken me 25 and I was practically running! I took exactly the same roads both times, and my watch was working fine, so how could I get there faster, when I was actually walking slower? This was beyond my comprehension. Maybe you have an explanation?
The shock that you can get somewhere faster without running there at full speed was an eye-opening moment for me. There was definitely a problem with how I manage my time.
Looking back at my routine I realized how often I speed through my life, not really noticing what is happening around me and not being able to stop for even one second just to ‘savor the moment’. Somewhere down the road my days have turned into a never-ending Olympic marathon, where every single day I push myself to set a new record. Get there faster, try harder, squeeze more tasks on my to-do list, talk to more people, answer more emails, and on top of all that crimple some family time in there.
But the harder I tried to get everything done, the more I fell behind. And the more I fell behind, the more I was beating myself up for not trying harder. It was exhausting and frustrating. It had gotten to the point when I could hear an invisible clock ticking even when I was supposed to be having fun and relaxing.
But after thinking about it, I realized that it is not just my problem. Our whole Western society is in love with speed. Think of all the concepts that did not even existed some 50 years ago: speed walking, speed reading, speed dating, speed networking, speed dial, fast food… even speed yoga and speed meditation…
If we are not doing something as fast as we humanly can, if we are not stretching our schedule to cram in as many tasks as possible, if we are not chronically busy, we are often regarded as lazy and unmotivated. The word “slow” has become a synonym of apathetic, passive, unproductive, time-consuming, slack and even dumb.
Most of us are so busy all the time that we do not even realize we are living our lives on fast forward. We would probably notice how stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, anxious, and exhausted we feel and how little fun we are actually having, except that we do not have time or energy to notice much of anything. The sad truth is that we were not evolved for such speed and we do not tolerate it well either.
I do not know about you, but to me it seems that the cult of speed has gone too far.
Carl Honoré, the unofficial godfather of a growing cultural shift toward slowing down, believes that we have exchanged quality for quantity. More and more people all over the world are gradually coming to the realization that faster is not always better. The Slow Movement is a new cultural shift towards slowing down life’s pace.
As Carl Honoré put it,“The Slow philosophy is not about doing everything at a snail’s pace. It’s about seeking to do everything at the right speed. Savoring the hours and minutes rather than just counting them. Doing everything as well as possible, instead of as fast as possible. It’s about quality over quantity in everything from work to food to parenting.”
Slow eating, enjoying every bite, instead of just shoveling a Big Mac down my mouth?
Taking time off to spend it with my family, instead of being always ‘on the call’?
Getting a good night of rest, instead of staying up late working at the kitchen table after the kids are asleep?
Actually enjoying the drive to work, instead of weaving back and forth, looking for the fastest lane while looking at the clock every 2 minutes?
I am there! In the past two weeks I have really tried to slow down and break my obsession with speed. I can not say that I am completely ‘recovered’. I still need my dose of ‘speed’ sometimes, but I am definitely much slower now (and I mean this as a compliment.  ). My life has become by far more rewarding, fun, and balanced. But most importantly, I have noticed that my productivity has almost doubled and my self-confidence quadrupled.
If you are a ‘speedaholic’ too, I strongly recommend you try consciously slowing down before it is too late…
Because, strangely enough, when you slow down you actually get there faster!

speed 300x223 Confessions Of A Former SpeedaholicHi! My name is Arina and I am a former speedaholic!

Being impatient by nature I love speed, instant gratification and ‘quick fixes’. I love modern technology for making my life easier and some tedious home chores much more tolerable. I enjoy high speed internet, fast cars, planes that can get me faster to my destination point and phone calls that are short and right to the point.  Because the more time I save, the more I can get done. A second here, a second there and you have got yourself a whole extra minute!

I am sure you know what I mean…

I was convinced that the fast way is the only way to go, because, let’s face it, life is short and time is money.

However, something really strange happened to me two weeks ago. I had a private Italian language lessons at 3:30 p.m. at a friend’s house. I was so busy writing that I completely lost track of time. When I left the house it was already 3:20 p.m. I walked as fast as I could the whole way, looking at my watch every 30 seconds and feeling very anxious, because I hate to make other people wait. I finally got to her house 15 minutes late, feeling out of breath, stressed out and guilty all at the same time.

(more…)

Kick Up Your Motivation (video)

Blank Treasure Map:  1600×1200 | 1280×1024

Also …if you liked this video then let people know about it. Thanks!

Quick Fix: How To Stay On Track?

track Quick Fix: How To Stay On Track?How many times have you started a new project and never finished it? How many new improvements in your life were you going to make, but never had enough willpower to stick to it? How many of us have exercise machines in our houses that are just standing there and collecting dust?

Starting something new is always very exciting, but after a couple of days when a project stops being new, the excitement slowly fades. As a result we move on to a new goal, never finishing what we’ve already started. This pattern of behavior slowly transforms itself into a habit. And we all know how hard it is to break a habit, especially when your willpower is not strong enough.

Today I’ll share with you one trick that has proven to be especially effective, because it doesn’t require you to have a steel willpower.

One Small Trick That Works Even If You Feel Especially Lazy

Let me tell you one more trick you can use when you feel especially lazy. For example, you’ve decided to go jogging today, but when the time has come, you really don’t feel like getting up from the couch and doing any form of exercise. I feel like that quite often. :)

In this case you should tell yourself:  “I am not going to jog today. I will just get up and put my jogging shoes on”.

It is a lot easier on your willpower to do a little, easy task, than a big one. In the most cases by the time you get up from the couch, put your shoes on, and get distracted from the TV show you were watching, you will probably decide to go jogging after all.

Just make yourself do the tiniest piece of the task. Like reading just one page from the textbook, or do just one set of ab-exercises, something that would take you only a couple of minutes. The funny thing is, once you start doing it you’ll most likely finish it all. :)