Over 70 years ago Dale Carnegie wrote his 15 million copy best-seller, “How To Win Friends & Influence People”. Many things have changed since then – the invention of the mobile phone, the Internet and social networks. However, while our ways of communication might have evolved we are still facing the same communication challenges our grandparents faced.

How often do we scratch our head, puzzled at what we could have possibly said or done to offend someone we like? How often do we fail to connect with another person no matter how hard we try to get along? How often do we feel invisible at parties and social gatherings (or wish we were invisible, because meeting new people is just plain stressful for us)?
Deep down we all want to make new friends, to win people’s trust and, let’s be honest, to become more likable.

Here are a few tips for making people like you and follow your lead:

1. Be approachable

In order for people to like you, they have to get to know you. In order for them to get to know you, they have to approach you and feel comfortable in your company. Many leaders think that in order to influence people, they have to assume an air of superiority around themselves. This is one of the biggest communication mistakes they could ever make. No one likes to think of themselves as “inferior” and no one likes to be treated that way. If you want to win friends easily and influence people, let go of your ego. People will not like you, because you are better than them. They will like you because YOU make THEM feel better about themselves.

2. Engage

If you expect to get people absorbed into conversation and make them hang on every word you say, you have to grab their attention and interest so they hear what you want to tell them. It is not always as easy as it may seem. Most people have developed a skill of half-listening and half-thinking about their plans for the day, a message they received from a friend or about the next thing they want to say.

I found that whether you talk in front of a large audience or chit-chat with a person you have just met, there are several things you can do to grab their full attention and engage them into the conversation:

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Have you ever met someone and instantly felt a fondness towards them? You only chatted a few minutes, but you felt like you have known them for a long time. This person may not seem to be any different from other people you have meet, yet they have this “x-factor”, or some sort of magnetism that draws people to them.

1. Shift your focus

2. Act confidently

About only two-three hundred years ago a man’s word was his bond and a handshake was enough to close a deal. Now contracts are valid only if written on paper in the presence of lawyers and it is enough to have a plausible excuse to break a promise.

How often do we tell someone “I’ll call you”, “I really want to watch this movie. I’ll clean up as soon as the commercials are on”, “I will definitely get back in shape before the summer”?

I admit that I am guilty of making such promises and then fulfilling them partially or having to go back on my word and explain why I could not do it.

There are hundreds of reasons why we do not stick to our word: circumstances change, something more urgent comes up, time passes and we forget what we have promised and to whom, or we realize that we made a foolish pledge without thinking it through. The human mind can reach extraordinary levels when it comes to making up self-justifications. But all the excuses in the world still cannot stifle the nagging sensation that we have done something wrong.

If you, just like me, would like to learn how to follow through with your promises 100% of the time, here are 7 Great Tips that will help you to become a man/woman of your word, gain other people’s trust easily, reinforce your self-confidence, eliminate guilty pangs and even reduce conflicts with your family members and your co-workers.

1. Be honest with yourself. However good the intention, before making a promise to anyone (even to yourself), ask yourself if you will be able fulfill it. Do you really have the opportunity, time and desire to stick to your word? Are you sure you are not going to let yourself or another person down? No one is forcing you to give the pledges or make any commitments. Therefore, whenever you have the impulse to make a rushed, far-fetched promise, put a piece of chocolate in your mouth and chew it slowly until the promise-itch passes.

2. Ask yourself if you mean it. An interesting study conducted in Switzerland by Thomas Baumgartner and Urs Fischbacher showed that it is possible to detect whether a person is about to break a promise the second the person voices it. It means that on some level we already know if we will do something or not. They also noticed increased brain activity when participants were giving false promises, which may mean that it is psychologically more comfortable to stick to your promises than to break them.

So my question is why promise something that we do not want to do, knowing that we are not going to do and in addition to all this having to deal with the negative consequences. Isn’t it easier to say “I’m sorry. I wish I could, but I don’t want to” right away?

3. Analyze your motivation behind the promise. Why are you making a particular commitment in the first place? Do you really want to help? Do you feel that you need to say “yes”, because you do not want to disappoint the person who is asking you for a favor? Do you just say “yes”, because you want to end a conversation or because you do not feel like explaining why you do not want to do it? Is there some type of reward/punishment involved? If you are making a promise for the wrong reasons, the chances are that you will not follow through with it.

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