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2 Things You Should Never Say to Yourself

negative self-talkHave you ever had to say “I’m sorry” for something you said to another person? Yes? Then welcome to the club of conscious people who have the courage to admit their mistakes.

Although, I bet there is one person that you still owe an apology to… This person is YOU!

It is weird how attentive we are not to hurt other people’s feelings and how often we say the most offensive things to ourselves: “I can’t believe I have been so stupid”, “I’m a terrible person”, “I am such an idiot!

Have you ever apologized to yourself? Have you ever taken time to say “I’m sorry, I did not mean it”?
No? Me neither. Not once.

But today I thought maybe it is time we start treating ourselves with the same level of respect, compassion and understanding as we treat others? This includes being conscious about our self-talk and the thoughts we address to ourselves when feeling angry, upset or frustrated.

2 Things You Should Never Say To Yourself

(Also take time to read and re-read “10 Things You Should Never Say to People that You Like”. It might save you a lot of apologies in the future.)

1.“I am not enough”

There are so many ways we can say this – “I am not smart enough”, “I am too fat”, “I am a terrible parent”, “This guy deserves promotion more than I do”.

It is amazing how quickly we can convince ourselves about ‘not being enough’. I thought about my own negative beliefs and how I have developed them, the whole mechanism is quite simple.

You are either told that you are not good enough or you arrive at the conclusion by yourself through a much elaborated mental process of making comparisons.

It goes something like this: you take your own weaknesses and failures and then compare them against other people’s strengths and achievements. Of course, everyone around you looks more successful, more worthy, more appreciated, more talented and more fun to be around.

I remember going on a date in high school with a really hot guy and spending an evening trying to convince him that he actually liked my friend, not me. I must have been really convincing, because the next day he asked my friend out.

This is just a small example of how a thought “I am not good enough” influences our decisions and shapes our life.

Fortunately, this self-destructive mechanism of putting yourself down can be changed with the power of intention. As individuals, we have an incredible power to transform our beliefs and decide what to focus on.

We can focus on our strengths and let them guide our actions or we can focus on our weaknesses and turn them into excuses of why we can not do something, which leads us to the next thing we should never-ever say to ourselves…

2. “I can’t do it”

We like to quote self-help books on “nothing being impossible” and “sky being our limit”. Yet this is a kind of wisdom we hope to pass onto our children someday, not actually apply in our own life.

Because when it comes to regular, down-to-earth situations like starting our own blog, sticking with our workout routine or searching for a better job you often hear people say “Nooooooo! I can’t do it! I’ve tried and it did not work out. Besides, you see, I am so busy that I have no time for writing… or for working out… or for going to job interviews.

Sometimes it may feel like we don’t have time for anything. That our past mistakes and setbacks will inevitably repeat themselves if we try again.
That we have every legitimate reason to say “I can’t do it”.

But the problem is that when we talk about our inability to do something or justify our setbacks with a difficult childhood, lack of education, poor financial situation, or unhappy marriage we usually get things out of it:

1. Sympathetic reactions from other people, which only confirm that we are right to feel sorry for ourselves and that our life sucks indeed.

2. A subconscious message that we don’t have to change anything. Because if the situation is beyond our control (or our responsibility) then we don’t have to do anything about it.

But I have a feeling that if you are reading this article, you are not looking for excuses. You are looking to improve yourself, to let go of negative believes, to live a more fulfilling life.

And this includes treating yourself with the utmost kindness, compassion and respect.

Promise, you will do it? Then start right now!

Say with me, “I am wonderful, loving, optimistic and incredibly fun to be around! There are thousands of great things I have yet to achieve, experience and learn. It is great to be ME!”

  • shukri
    July 31, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    Painfully sincere article…from a brilliantly dutiful writer-web-blogger…. Thank You Arinushka, unstoppable girl:) 

    • Arina
      August 1, 2012 at 9:32 am

      Thank you, Shukri. “Unstoppable girl” – I like it! Makes me feel like I have some kind of super powers 🙂

  • Esapp02
    August 3, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    Yeah you are really smart.

  • Drew Tracy
    August 10, 2012 at 11:54 am

    Two negatives I constantly have to catch myself from exercising.  Thanks so much for this topic is so relevant to almost everyone’s life!  

    • Arina
      September 24, 2012 at 3:10 pm

      I’m glad that you liked it, Drew! 🙂

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